Alpha Male Secrets: How to Dominate in Both the Boardroom and Bedroom, and Live the Life of a Complete Badass
Become An Alpha Male
Alpha males. From James Bond to Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), from Scarface to Tony Stark, from Frank Underwood to Hank Moody, from Vladimir Putin to Theodore Roosevelt, from Napoleon Bonaparte to Julius Caesar. Alpha males have always captured the admiration — even jealousy — of men, and the love and lust of women.
Men want to be them, women want to be with them.
These are the guys who act as if the world is theirs. They are always in leadership positions, in both their personal and professional lives. They often have swollen bank accounts. They always seem to be surrounded by a de facto harem of beautiful women.
They refuse to conform. They are unconventional. They are dominant. They are badass. They are everything that a man could wish to be.
The root of the alpha male is his mindset. His unshakable confidence, mental strength, and masculinity. Or, in slang terms, he has balls. All of this — having balls and living life like a badass — comes from within. It’s a mindset. Being an alpha male is an attitude.
It is from this mindset — this inner alpha attitude — that everything else flows. The exciting lifestyle. The money. The women. The world.
The purpose of this article is to break down all of the components and traits that make an alpha male. This article uncovers, explores, and discusses the traits that are at the core of all alpha males. The very things that make them alpha. By internalizing these traits, one is able to evolve into the man that he truly desires to be. He can reach his true potential in life.
All men envy — and desire to become — alpha males. Alpha males have balls. They ooze power and authority, both in the boardroom and the bedroom. Their very presence commands respect and leaves others in awe.
In recent history, society has seen a dramatic decline in masculinity. Men are becoming increasingly emasculated. Men are becoming less assertive, less dominant, and much less manly.
Men are beginning to behave more like girls than they do men.
At the same time as men are becoming more and more emasculated and womanly, men are finding themselves increasingly hopeless around beautiful women, working jobs they hate, being walked all over by others, and becoming increasingly depressed.
This is why when men today stumble upon an (increasingly rare) alpha male, they are left in awe.
So let’s dive right in and learn to adopt that awe-inspiring alpha attitude.
PART I: External
Alpha Male Secret 1: The Posture That Makes You Powerful
Ever been at the club, a party, or social gathering, and noticed how when some men walk into the room, every woman automatically turns to check them out? What is it about men such as these that arouse the curiosity of the opposite sex?
Two words: Body language.
And it’s not just women. Often you’ll find that men turn their heads to snatch a glance, too. Some men are able to hold themselves in such a way that they bring with them an incredibly powerful presence. They are alpha to the core. Everybody turns and looks.
So what is it about their body language that creates such a powerful presence?
Well, let’s take a look at a study that uncovers the secret to powerful body language.
In 2010, researchers from Columbia University and Harvard Business School did a study that found powerful body language makes you feel (and become) powerful. In other words, act as if, and you shall become.
Here is the study’s abstract:
“Humans and other animals express power through open, expansive postures, and they express powerlessness through closed, contractive postures. But can these postures actually cause power? … High-power posers experienced elevations in testosterone, decreases in cortisol, and increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk; low-power posers exhibited the opposite pattern. In short, posing in displays of power caused advantaged and adaptive psychological, physiological, and behavioral changes, and these findings suggest that embodiment extends beyond mere thinking and feeling, to physiology and subsequent behavioral choices. That a person can, by assuming two simple 1-min poses, embody power and instantly become more powerful has real-world, actionable implications.”
If you’ve ever seen a group of lions, chimps, or even humans, you’ll know exactly what the researchers mean by high power and low power poses.
The leader of the group — whether it be humans, lions, wolves, or chimps — is always the most relaxed. In the researcher’s words, his body language is “open” and “expansive.” He takes up space, he doesn’t fold his arms or legs, he doesn’t use his limbs to cover his chest, face, neck, or groin. Conversely, the less powerful individuals in the group take up less space.
In the study, they found that those who did high power poses saw their testosterone levels skyrocket and their cortisol levels plummet. Testosterone is the hormone that makes men masculine and gives them strength and confidence. Cortisol, on the other hand, is the hormone that makes you stressed and anxious.
So what this means is that by acting powerful, you actually become powerful. Act like your favorite alpha male and adopt their body language, and you will begin to actually feel like them — confident, strong, and badass.
The easiest way to get started doing this is by having a body language role model — such as James Bond. This is easy because all you have to do is imitate his posture and the way he moves. Standing up straight, pulling your chest up, throwing back your shoulders, and so on.
In the study on “high power poses,” the high power poses they used included “crest[ing] the table with his feet, fingers interlaced behind his neck, elbows pointing outward,” and standing while leaning over a desk with both hands placed on it. As the researchers wrote , “participants in the high-power-pose condition were posed in expansive positions with open limbs .”
The bolded words are key. Expansive positions with open limbs . In other words, take up lots of space and spread your limbs out. Put your feet up on the desk, spread your legs apart, rest your arm on the back of the empty chair next to you, or put your hands behind your head with elbows pointing outward. Take up lots of room.
Heck, you can even spread your possessions around to take up more room on a conference table and mark your territory. You can stand up and walk around the conference table while talking to occupy even room and seem even more powerful.
Start using your body to act as if you are confident, relaxed, and powerful. Within minutes, your subconscious brain will be releasing testosterone and getting rid of cortisol. You will begin to actually be confident and powerful.
Act as if, and you shall become.
So the next time you are feeling nervous, insecure, or anxious, take a look at your body language. Are you doing, as the Harvard Business School researchers would call it, a “low-power-pose”? Are you “posed in contractive positions with closed limbs”? Are you shrinking your body language to take up as little space as possible? Is your chin down, your chest slumped, and your shoulders hunched over? All of this is exactly the opposite of what an alpha male would be doing.
Change your body language and you will change how you feel.
Throw those shoulders back, lift that chin up, pull your head up, and uncross your arms. If you can, rest one of your arms on the back of another chair, or clasp your hands behind your head with shoulders pointing outward. By acting like a powerful, relaxed, confident guy, you will actually become a powerful, relaxed, confident guy. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling like a million bucks. Furthermore, you’ll look like a million bucks, too!
The alpha male’s posture and body language is as relaxed as it is assertive.
Alpha Male Secret 2: Royally Relaxed
Imagine a big, powerful lion in the heart of Africa. How does he move?
Does he nervously pace around? Does he take little quick steps when walking? Does he walk nervously and quickly?
Nope. Of course not.
The lion walks very slowly. He takes his time. He is relaxed. He knows he is the king of the jungle. He has nothing to worry about. If he doesn’t have anywhere to go, he’ll just lounge around, relax, and chill out. If he’s just going for a walk — such as to get water — he walks slowly and powerfully. He doesn’t take little quick steps, he does he exact opposite. He takes big, slow, confident steps. He is relaxed as can be.
He saves his energy. He knows that if he needs to, he can sprint incredibly fast and leap onto an unfortunate antelope, but apart from that, he just chills out and relaxes.
It is the same with humans. Powerful men — alpha males — take their time. They don’t take little, quick steps. They take large, slow steps. They walk rather slowly. They are relaxed. They don’t rush about nervously.
If you’ve ever seen a Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Tom Cruise, or Brad Pitt movie, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. They always move slowly, but deliberately. They are the alpha male. Every action is relaxed but purposeful.
Whenever you walk into a room, office, or bar, walk in slowly but with purpose. Have your powerful posture, but move in a relaxed manner. Saunter into the room. Stroll in with a badass swagger.
Imagine yourself as the world’s greatest gladiator as he walks into the Coliseum for battle. Is he going to be taking nervous, short, quick steps? No, of course not. It looks ridiculous even imagining that. Rather, he walks into the Coliseum in an incredibly relaxed manner. He takes deliberate, slow, big, confident steps. He takes his time. He is relaxed. He has a very powerful posture. He moves with power.
One of the best ways to learn how to move like an alpha male is to watch them in action. Whether it be in a movie, or in real life.
They walk and move slowly, but not lazily — there’s a difference. They are very controlled people. They are never (or at least rarely) in a rush.
Alpha males know they’re important. If you call them, they’ll take their time before they turn their head and focus on you. This is the exact opposite of what most people do, which is instantly snap their head around as soon as someone calls them or shouts their name.
Be relaxed. Slow down. Take your time. Be slow, controlled, and deliberate with your movements. Move powerfully.
Alpha Male Secret 3: Dominant Eyes
“An eye can threaten like a loaded gun; or can insult like a hissing and kicking; or in its altered mood, by beams of kindness, make the heart dance with joy.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Imagine a guy named Bob. When people talk to him, he struggles to hold eye contact. His eyes often dart about as if searching for a more comfortable spot to rest on. He often looks down at the floor or at his feet.
What would be your impression of Bob, if you were to meet him? You’d think he was nervous, anxious, awkward, and weak. He would seem the exact opposite of an alpha male.
Alternatively, imagine a guy named Julius. When people talk to Julius, he looks them right in the eye. This shows confidence, power, and respect. Eye contact like this also gives others the impression that Julius is trustworthy and friendly. Julius doesn’t look at the ground, he looks right ahead. He doesn’t struggle to hold eye contact, rather, he can confidently look anyone in the eye — both when he talks to them and when they talk to him.
If you were to talk to Julius, what sort of impression would he give you? You’d think he was at ease and was confident. He would seem much more relaxed, confident and powerful than Bob.
Alpha males are not too intimated to hold strong eye contact. Alpha males are present, and their eye contact conveys that fact.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:
“The eyes of men converse as much as their tongues.”
Alpha Male Secret 4: Speaking with Strength
“LAW 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary. When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.”
— Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
Alpha males don’t speak more than they need to. They are deliberate with their words. They are concise. They don’t talk on and on and on. By speaking less, they make their words more valuable and powerful. Every syllable packs a punch.
Nobody respects or takes seriously he who cannot stop talking. He dilutes the power of his own words and greatly diminishes (if not nullifies) their impact.
As Andy Warhol said:
“I learned that you actually have more power when you shut up.”
That being said, that doesn’t mean you should shut up completely. He who says nothing might as well be invisible. There is no power in being a nobody.
Rather, you need to make every word count. You need to pack as much impact and power as possible into each and every word that comes out of your mouth.
There are two main ways to do that, two traits that you will notice are common to almost all alpha males: Speak slowly and deeply.
Be in control of what you are saying. Don’t talk as though you’ve just had 40 cups of coffee or done a line of cocaine. Likewise, speak from your belly with a voice that is full, deep, and rich. Nobody takes seriously he who has the voice of a squeaky door.
Alpha males speak slowly and deeply because this conveys authority and power. The alpha male knows that he is important. He knows that nobody will interrupt him. He utilizes pregnant pauses in his speech. He speaks slowly. He is completely relaxed, and so speaks with a voice that is full and deep.
The majority of men — weak, unassertive, emasculated men — speak quickly. They rush over their words, fearful that others will lose interest or interrupt if they so much as pause to take a breath. They speak in a high pitch voice that often sounds nervous and anxious. They speak in a way that is the exact opposite of how alpha males speak.
Imagine a situation that many people encounter almost daily. An alpha male boss (though not all bosses are alpha) and a weak, emasculated employee. The power dynamic is clear: In this situation, the boss is powerful and the employee is subservient.
Now, let’s imagine that they are talking. The boss would be relaxed, leaning back into his chair, probably with his feet up on the desk and his hands behind his head, elbows point outward. He would take his time speaking, talking at a comfortable, relatively slow pace. He is completely relaxed, and so speaks from his belly (or as some like to say, speaks from his balls!). This gives him a deeper, richer, fuller voice. He sounds very authoritative. There’s no mistaking that he’s the one in charge.
The emasculated employee, on the other hand, speaks lightning fast. In addition to speaking very quickly, he is a little tense, stressed, nervous and anxious. This results in him speaking from his chest and throat area, giving him a high pitched voice. He comes across as powerless and useless.
Now, in this example, the boss was the alpha and the employee the emasculated wimp. This is not always true, however. The roles can be reversed.
So let’s consider what it would be like if the employee was the alpha male, speaking slowly, deeply, and in a relaxed fashion. He oozes of authority and power.
What would happen is that this alpha employee would quickly find himself climbing the corporate ladder. Studies show that “executive presence” (i.e. looking like you are “leadership material” by appearing authoritative and powerful) accounts for a significant portion — more than 25 percent — of what it takes to get promoted. When corporate bosses take a look at who to promote, they almost always promote those that appear authoritative and powerful. Those that have “executive presence.”
And who do we know of that has an incredibly powerful presence?
Alpha males, of course.
Becoming an alpha male — or even just adopting the traits, behaviors, body language, and mannerisms of ultra powerful men — results in faster and more frequent promotions. This is why you often find alpha males living in enviable homes and sitting at the top of corporate ladders. Likewise, this is why you almost always find all those emasculated men living in mediocre homes with stagnant careers and whales for wives.
In fact, a study recently found that male salesmen with higher-pitched voices performed worse, having less success than than their deep-voiced colleagues. In this same study, the researchers also found that those who used frequent short pauses had more success than their perfectly fluent colleagues. In sum, the salesmen that relaxed and spoke more fully and deeply, as well as applied brief pauses in their speech for impact and emphasis, had more success.
This impacts more than just those of us working in sales. Indeed, a 2013 study found that CEOs with deeper voices earned more money and enjoyed longer tenures. Here are the remarkable findings:
“A deep voice is evolutionarily advantageous for males, but does it confer benefit in competition for leadership positions? We study ecologically valid speech from 792 male public-company Chief Executive Officers (CEOs) and find that CEOs with deeper voices manage larger companies, and as a result, make more money. After including proxies for other CEO attributes including experience, education and formant position, we document economically significant voice pitch effects. For the median CEO of the median sample firm, an interquartile decrease in voice pitch (22.1 Hz) is associated with a $440 million increase in the size of the firm managed, and in turn, $187 thousand more in annual compensation. Deep voiced CEOs also enjoy longer tenures. … the results are consistent with recent experimental predictions suggesting a role for voice pitch in leadership selection and also suggest economically meaningful effects of voice pitch reach the upper echelons of corporate management.”
The relevance of a deep voice is equally important outside the world of business. Research shows that voters (both male and female) prefer — and are more likely to vote for — the political candidate with a deeper voice.
One experiment had a recording of the statement, “I urge you to vote for me this November.” It was then adjusted to be either higher pitched or lower pitched. The results found that the deeper voice was more likely to gain the most votes, and was rated higher on such factors as strength, age (i.e. experience and wisdom), and competence.
Another study collected voice samples of all U.S. House of Representative candidates in 2012. The study was also controlled for other differences such as incumbency, ideology of voters in that district, and campaign spending. The results? The candidate with the lower-pitched voice usually won a higher share of the vote and won the election.
So whether you want to become President of the United States, run for your local seat, get that promotion, earn a higher salary, and just generally be much more successful, deepen that voice and alpha up.
A lot of people assume that they just naturally don’t have a deep voice. They hear themselves and assume that that is just the way their voice naturally is. While this is true to some extent, it is not the whole story.
Many people are constantly tense. They are always a little anxious and nervous, and struggle to fully and completely relax. Additionally, they often speak with unnecessary speed.
Fully relax and let go of all tension. Often without even realizing it, people are a little tense. Focus on relaxing fully. Let go of any tension in the muscles.
The same goes with the way people breathe. Many tend to have a little tension within, and so breathe relatively lightly. They breathe into their chest, a behavior that becomes even more pronounced when anxious or nervous. Instead, focus on fully relaxing that area of the body. Start breathing more fully and deeply. Relax the torso. Breathe into the belly. The shoulders and chest should not move when breathing, they should be fully relaxed. Rather, it is the belly that should move in and out with each breath.
Breathe into the belly — or, as some like to say, “breathe into your balls” — and your voice naturally deepens. It becomes fuller, richer, and more resonant. Breathing and speaking from the belly (or balls!) is not only the natural way to breathe and speak, but it deepens the voice.
Practice this habit whenever you speak. Speak from within. Breathe into your belly. Speak from, and project your voice from, your belly. Practice over several weeks (or longer) until it becomes natural. You will notice that your voice is not only more resonant and deeper, but you will sound more authoritative and powerful.
In fact, a study done for a documentary on alpha males by National Geographic found that people automatically obey deep voices, while disregarding and ignoring higher-pitched voices. For the experiment, a square was marked out on the ground in a train station, using a clearly visible duct tape. In this box they had a man who told everybody who was about to walk into it to stay out.
Nobody listened to the man when he used a high-pitched voice. Everybody just walked right through his outlined box and ignored him completely. Nobody took him seriously.
Later on, the same man used a deeper voice. Nothing else had changed. Same box, same man, same train station. Everybody listened. So much so, that people who had almost walked into the box jumped right out of the way and made sure to not step in it.
People respected the deeper voice and obeyed the commands. The deeper voiced sounded more authoritative and powerful.
Alpha males are much more relaxed and at ease. For this reason, they almost always have deeper, more authoritative sounding voices.
Additionally, they also speak slower — for the same reasons. They don’t rush over their words, but make each one count. This also naturally deepens the voice. Speaking too fast raises voice pitch.
That being said, don’t speak too slowly. If you speak too slow, you will sound either not too bright or overly pedantic, and neither impression is good. Relax and speak slower than you usually do, but not so slow that you sound like a dullard.
All in all, speak concisely, deeply (not artificially deep, but by relaxing to breathe and speak from your belly), and at a comfortable pace. Concisely, slowly, deeply.
Another great way to learn to speak powerfully and authoritatively — like an alpha male — is to watch and learn. Watch (or listen) to some great speakers or your favorite alpha males. Watch some videos of great speakers like Barack Obama, John F. Kennedy, or Franklin D. Roosevelt. You will notice that whether it is a speech or interview, they all speak deeply, concisely, and at a comfortable, relaxed pace. Overall, this gives a very powerful, authoritative impression. Work to mimic their way of speaking.
Likewise, you could also watch the way typical alpha male characters talk, from James Bond to Tyler Durden (in Fight Club ). You will notice that they speak in much the same way as the powerful presidents mentioned above.
Alpha males are not worried about people interrupting them, nor are they worried that if they talk slowly or pause that people will stop paying attention. These two fears are common to all emasculated men. As a result of these fears, they speak unnecessarily fast. Alpha males speak in a slow but deliberate manner. They are not afraid of including pauses in their conversation. They have confidence in themselves. They are totally at ease. Alpha males are always the most relaxed in a group.
They talk slowly and never rush things. Alpha males are always in control.
PART II: Internal
Alpha Male Secret 5: Alpha Mindset
The mindset of the alpha male is unique from that of the majority. In almost all ways possible, the alpha male mindset is the exact opposite to that of the mediocre masses. It is in opposition to the mindset of today’s hoards of emasculated “men.”
Society has almost entirely eliminated masculinity. Average men today are too weak to stand up for themselves. They go with the flow and adhere closely to flawed conventional wisdom. They have no beliefs or opinions of their own, instead preferring to go the safer and easier route of simply going along with whatever the majority is doing.
They get caught up in all that is frivolous and waste their lives caring about things they truly do not care for. They are constantly anxious to please others and stress about not being able to keep others happy. They seek to please others at their own expense. They are taken for granted and ignored. They allow themselves to be trampled all over.
The alpha male is the opposite. He has immense confidence in himself and prioritizes his needs and wants above all else. He is always chilled and relaxed and does not let external events disrupt his composure.
He is comfortable with himself and he is comfortable with his masculinity. His immense self-confidence leaves him feeling absolutely no need to prove himself to others or seek their approval.
He does what he wants to do. He ignores the life path followed so closely by all of those mediocre masses. He is a trailblazer. He refuses to conform.
At the root of all this is an unshakeable confidence in himself. He does what he wants to do and doesn’t give a single shit if nobody else likes it. It’s his life, after all, right? Who cares about what they think?
From this unshakable inner confidence, everything else naturally flows. His impenetrable composure. His exciting, nonconformist lifestyle. The fact that he is perpetually chilled and relaxed, knowing he’s awesome. The fact that he couldn’t care less about trying to keep others happy at his own expense. That he feels no need to prove himself to others.
It is because of his inner strength that he is able to master the world around him. By conquering himself, he can conquer the world. The world is his playground.
Alpha Male Secret 6: Challenging and Disagreeable
Alpha males are challenging. They challenge their women. They challenge those around them. Unlike so-called “nice guys,” or beta males — in other words, the miserable, mediocre masses — alpha males don’t just go with the flow for the sake of it. They have clear ideas and values and they stand up for them. Likewise, they are not afraid to share their ideas, whether it be with their women or during a meeting at work.
Alpha males don’t shy away from being challenging and disagreeable.
Countless studies have found that alpha males — sometimes referred to as “assholes” or “jerks” — are able to rapidly climb corporate ladders because they are disagreeable and challenging. They are not necessarily any more intelligent, creative, or smart than their peers. Rather, they are able to make sure that their ideas get heard. Alpha males are not afraid of sharing new or different ideas. They are not afraid of standing behind their idea, either.
Here are the findings of one study on the subject:
“In study 1, disagreeableness was generally unrelated to the originality of ideas generated, but positively related to group utilization of ideas . Similar trends were observed in study 2.”
The researchers noted that to have your ideas embraced, you need to put your ideas out there in the first place. They concluded that having a “disagreeable personality” is advantageous, and suggested that “being a jerk … may be useful if the situation dictates that a bit of a fight is needed to get those original ideas heard and utilized by others.”
Furthermore, alpha males have another advantage: Assertiveness is also advantageous because people remember the guy who first spoke up. Nobody really remembers the guy who spoke up sometime during the middle of the meeting, even if they gave the best and most well thought out answer.
Being challenging and disagreeable, a result of the unshakable inner confidence of the alpha male, is advantageous outside of the workplace, too. In addition to enabling alpha males to quickly ascend to power, riches, and success, these same traits make alpha males irresistible to women.
Around women, alpha males always pose a challenge. Unlike most men, alpha males don’t see themselves as chosen by women. Rather, he chooses them!
We all know the mentality of a really hot woman. She has dozens — if not hundreds — of men hit on her each and every day. She knows that she can choose any man she wants.
Alpha males have this same mentality, but they reverse the roles. Rather than trying to impress a woman, he playfully adopts the hot-chick mentality. She’s just another woman trying desperately to seduce him. She’s trying to pick him up!
Rather than having the boys-chase-girls mentality of the involuntarily celibate masses, he flips it around. He playfully teases women and acts as if he is the catch, adopting a hot-chick mentality, in which it is girls-chase-boys.
Alpha males don’t throw themselves at women. They are not needy with their women. For alpha males, it is the other way round. It is the women that have to try and impress him and earn his attention. And women love this! This type of behavior implies that he is a high-value male.
Hot women don’t go for the hundreds of guys that desperately seek their attention and try to eagerly impress them. Almost every guy does that. Hot women go for the guy who acts as if it is he who is the real catch. They go for the alpha male who makes no effort to impress them or keep their attention, but rather is of the mindset that it is the hot women who need to earn his attention and try to impress him.
(Note: This does not mean you never approach women. It just means that you never put women on a pedestal and you have standards for yourself. You’re not desperately trying to impress her, you’re sussing out whether she’s good enough for you. You can playfully tease her about this, too, to flirt and build sexual tension.)
In sum, alpha males are challenging. They challenge both their women and their peers in the workplace. Contrary to misguided conventional “wisdom”, this alpha male trait actually leads to frequent promotions and endless sex.
The mindset of the alpha male is almost the exact opposite of that of the emasculate men that predominate in today’s society.
They are not quiet and meek in the workplace. They don’t go with the flow or try to seek the approval of others. They don’t just go along with the ideas of other people. They don’t try to seek the attention of women. They don’t eagerly seek to try impress women.
Instead, the alpha male is challenging. He shares his own ideas and stands behind them. He challenges those around him. When it comes to women, he turns the tables. His mindset, and consequent actions, lead women to seek to impress him, and earn his attention.
He isn’t afraid to be disagreeable and challenging.
Alpha Male Secret 7: No Need to Prove Self
Alpha males are very comfortable with themselves.
Alpha males feel no need to have to prove themselves.
Alpha males do not seek approval.
They have an unshakable inner confidence. They radiate confidence. Alpha males have no fear of people or how people think of them. They honestly couldn’t care less. They know that they are the most important person in their life.
A counterexample to this mentality is the mindset common to all of today’s emasculated men. All too often, you see so-called “men” who are so eager to please those around them and keep everybody — but themselves! — happy, that they just do what other’s want to do. They are indecisive, they lack any sort of inner confidence or leadership.
They are scared to death about whether or not other people like them or their ideas. They seek the approval of others above all else. They change their ideas, values, and opinions as soon as it seems that somebody else might not like them.
Alpha males, on the other hand, do not have to prove themselves. The alpha male is a being of very high self-esteem. An unshakeable confidence. He does not need the approval of anybody else to be happy. Whether or not people like or dislike him has no impact on his inner confidence or happiness.
Ordinary folks need the approval of others to be happy. They constantly try to conform, fit in, and impress those around them. They depend upon other’s approval for their happiness. Their confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth all depend on whether or not they are liked by those around them.
Alpha males are just the opposite. Like usual, the alpha male turns the tables. He doesn’t give a shit about the approval of others. His confidence is not dependent upon others, his confidence comes from within. Rather than seek the approval of others, alpha males give other people approval. Rather than desperately seeking approval, like most of today’s men, he is the one who hands out approval to others.
Most so-called “men” live their lives according to what they think will make other people happy. They get a socially acceptable, safe job that their friends and family will approve of. They go to college because that’s what their friends and family will approve of. They live in a way that conforms to what everybody else does. They don’t think too much for themselves, they just go along with what others do and go along with what they hope other people will approve of.
That’s why every Monday morning highways across the globe flood with hundreds of thousands of college-educated people packed bumper-to-bumper. They sit in their shitty, mediocre cars, sipping on their shitty convenience store coffee, yelling profanity at the nigh identical people in front of them. They repeat this day in and day out until they either retire or die.
Do you think that this is what all these people want to do with their lives?
Of course not! In fact, studies show that more than 80 percent of people hate their jobs. They’re literally miserable.
They live these ordinary, nearly identical lives, not because that is what they want to do, but because it is what other’s will approve of!
They went to university and got into hundreds of thousands of dollars debt, not because that is what they truly wanted to do, but because that is what their friends and family would approve of.
At university, they then choose courses not according to what they want to study, but according to what they think their family and those around them will approve of.
When they apply for jobs, they don’t apply for jobs that they truly want to work at, but they apply for jobs that they think that their friends and family will approve of. That’s why so few people follow their passions, become entrepreneurs, or do what they want to do. They just act according to what they think their family and those around them will approve of.
Alpha males do not need, nor do they seek, the approval of others. An alpha male has objectives and ambitions of his own. He doesn’t care what other’s think about him — it’s his life, after all! What do other’s care what he is doing? He honestly couldn’t care less about the thoughts of others. He just goes about doing what it is that he wants to do. He doesn’t need to prove himself to anyone.
Alpha males do not need anyone’s approval in order to become a happier person. His happiness is not dependent upon the the praise of other people.
A man who goes out of his way to brag about his accomplishments is obviously attempting to seek the approval of other people. He does this in order to feel better about himself. This is a sign of weakness, not strength.
Alpha males don’t feel any need to brag. They don’t need to try and impress others to feel better about themselves.
Alpha Male Secret 8: Does Not Qualify Himself
One of the biggest differences between alpha males and beta males (i.e. the wimpy, mediocre masses) is that beta males are always trying to prove something to others. Whenever a guy brags about his job or his car, he conveys the fact that he is terrified that other people will not like or accept him for the person that he truly is.
Alpha males don’t feel any need to brag. They don’t brag about how awesome their job is. They don’t brag about how much they earn. They don’t brag about the places they’ve been or the women they’ve been with. Alpha males are confident in themselves. They’re confident enough to not only know that people will like them for who they are — regardless of how great or terrible their life is — but also that it does not matter one bit if others don’t approve of them.
Beta males are especially prone to bragging when it comes to women. They seek to impress hot girls by bragging endlessly, and in the process, end up doing just the opposite. They have the mistaken belief that women find this kind of bragging attractive, or that women will be impressed by their job, money, watch, car, and so on.
When guys go about trying to impress women by bragging, women pick up on the sub-communication. And when guys brag endlessly, what is being sub-communicated is that the guy feels he is inferior to the woman. That the guy feels he has to compensate for something. They see this as a huge red flag.
Alpha males are much more attractive to women because they seem (and are!) so much more powerful, confident, and successful. This is, once again, because of what is being sub-communicated. Alpha males don’t feel any need to brag. What is being sub-communicated is that they do not feel inferior to the woman. They are so good that they don’t even feel the need to try and impress a woman or earn her attention.
Let’s take a look at a couple of examples.
First, imagine an ordinary beta male at a bar with a hot chick he’s hoping to impress. At every opportunity he gets, he tells her about things that he hopes might impress her. In addition to sub-communicating that he is trying to compensate for his perceived inferiority, he is too busy bragging to bother engaging in a proper conversation. Feeling increasingly alienated by the one-sided conversation and realizing that he is bragging because he feels personally inadequate, she quickly makes an excuse and leaves.
Let’s imagine a second situation. It’s all the same, except we swap the insecure beta with a confident and relaxed alpha. The alpha feels no need to prove himself, and so rather than trying to brag and impress the girl, he simply asks about her. Gotta make sure that she’s up to his standards, after all, right?
The sub-communication is clear. He does not in any way feel inferior to her. If anything, he is the one making sure that she is good enough for him. She better try impress him and earn his attention!
Similarly, when she starts asking about him, she’ll discover some pretty amazing things. These things will carry many times more power, and impress her significantly more than the beta. Not because they are any better. Not because they are greater achievements. But because he didn’t bother to tell her. Because of this, she is left wondering what other amazing things he has done that he hasn’t bothered to tell her. The result is that the alpha ends up seeming many times more impressive and successful, even if his achievements are no greater than the beta male.
To demonstrate this point, let’s flip the tables to imagine its impact. Let’s say you’re at a house party, and you’re talking to somebody — guy or girl, doesn’t matter.
In one case, they are telling everybody about all their achievements, endlessly bragging. They’re telling everybody how last month they climbed Mount Everest. They’re constantly bragging about how they’ve got a contract to do some modelling and they’re doing heaps of photo shoots.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares, right? Shut up! Even if it was interesting initially, now it’s just getting annoying.
Alternatively, however, imagine you were at that same house party and had engaged someone in some small talk. They seem like a pretty nice person. Continuing the small talk, you ask them if they’ve done anything interesting lately. They tell you not really, although a couple of months back they climbed Mount Everest, which was interesting enough, they say.
Wait, what?! They climbed Mount Everest? Pretty impressive, right? Wow!
After getting over the shock of that, you ask what they do for work. They casually tell you that they are doing a bit of part time modelling, and they’re looking at starting their own modelling agency, eventually.
Holy crap, right? They’re a model who has climbed Mount Everest. Can’t get much more impressive.
But wait, the people in both examples did the exact same thing. Both the person who was bragging and the person who just casually mentioned what they did when politely asked did the exact same things.
Why is it that one seemed so much more impressive than the other?
Because while the person in one example was obviously hugely insecure and was trying to compensate for this perceived inadequacy on their part by bragging non-stop, the other person was obviously confident in themselves. Also, if they’ve done all that, what else must they have done that you didn’t get the chance to ask them about? They seem infinitely more impressive.
At the core of the alpha male is confidence. Rock solid self-confidence. Not because they think they will succeed at everything and that everything will go their way. But because they know that they will be okay no matter what happens. They are almost always calm and have an unruffled composure.
They are supremely relaxed. They take control, both of their life in general and of everyday situations that they encounter. They have a calm, cool confidence.
They are dominant, chilled, take up space, and do what they want.
They don’t conform for the sake of conforming. They refuse to mindlessly tumble through life like the mediocre masses. They don’t worry about seeking the approval of others. Instead, they live according to what makes them happy. They are the most important person in their own life. They care not about the thoughts of others. They have nothing to prove.
They don’t care about what anyone else might think of them. They don’t live their lives for anyone other than what they desire. They do what they want, say what they want, live the life they want, when they want to live it. They don’t find their happiness through getting the approval of other people. In fact, they could not care less about getting the approval of other people.
The alpha male does not care what others think of him. All that matters is what HE thinks of himself, how he sees himself, and if he respects himself. That is it.
Alpha males just do what they want. They know that they only have one life, so they might as well enjoy it, right? Enjoy it, free of worry about what other people might be thinking of them. They just have the time of their life. They don’t focus on what other people are thinking. They just do what they want. They are real, open, and let free the larger than life version of themselves that most people have locked up inside themselves.