What Do Women Find Attractive In Men?

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Men try all sorts of things to try to be attractive to women. They try pick-up lines and clothes that they think are going to impress them. They attempt being nice, being mean and playing games. They make up stories and hooks pretending to be someone they’re not.

But over and over they fail and don’t understand why nothing works.

It’s because you are doing what you think women find attractive, instead of what they really find attractive.

When I was younger and in college, I thought I knew what women wanted in men. I tried it all, too. The lines, the bravado, even being the Nice Guy. But nothing worked.

Then I started to pay attention and notice what worked for myself and other guys. I also paid attention to what wasn’t working. I talked to women and my female friends and over time (with lots of trial and error), I discovered exactly what it was that made women attracted to men.

So, let’s start with the external.

The External Is Subjective

If you think you aren’t good looking, let’s address that first.

External attractiveness is subjective. Everybody has a different idea of what is attractive. It’s true for men and women.

Since you are a guy, let’s look at it from your perspective in order to understand. Not every guy likes the same type of girl, right? Are your tastes different than your friends’?

Personally, I like tall, brunette women with curves. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a shorter woman or blondes at all, but the first glance, total physical package that gets me going without a word is the Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox type. I love the hair, the lips, and the body. Plus, that dark smoldering look really does it for me.

Now, I have had discussions with my friends where we sat around and talked about our types. I’m sure you’ve done the same with your friends over a few beers. I am always surprised when I mention my type and other guys are negative and say they don’t see it. They’ll then offer their favorites. Blondes, redheads, short, really curvy, thin. All different types.

What I’m getting at is everybody is different and for you to think no one is going to find you attractive is just not true. There is someone for everybody. In fact, there are many someone’s for everybody.

Women aren’t just into the stereotypical male, tall and handsome with a six pack (though they won’t necessarily turn that down, either). After talking with some of my female friends, the things that seem to interest them more is caring, funny with a sense of humor, hard worker, motivated, and easy to get along with.

You need to be secure in who you are. Until you are, you won’t exude the confidence you need to attract women.

Just because you aren’t a GQ model on the outside, don’t despair. They will find your mindset and soul are attractive to them, and that makes up a great deal of what is going to draw a woman to you.

Don’t Try to Compensate and Cover It Up

There are certain things about yourself that you just can’t change, unless you are going to go in for extensive plastic surgery. You may feel that your nose is a little big, or maybe your ears are a bit small, or you don’t like your eyes or a dozen other things.

We obsess over these types of things and all it does is eat away at our confidence and make us insecure.

So, some men try to compensate through external means. It might be clothing, or it might be bulking up because you are insecure about your receding hairline. We suffered through a decade of Ed Hardy shirts and gold jewelry as proof. This overcompensation is often known as peacocking.

So, don’t try to add bling and accessories to “create” your personality. Women see right through this. It’s different if it’s organically part of who you are. Women can tell the difference.

Imagine two guys wearing leather motorcycle jackets. The first guy has one that is brand new, no creases and it sits on him perfectly, buttoned up, so he looks more like a fashion model than a man.

Now our second guy walks in with his weathered jacket. It’s actually fitting because he has worn it, so the leather is formed to his body in places. It almost seems like an extension of him instead of a jacket.

Who do you think the woman is going to be attracted to? The weekend warrior who probably has never even touched a motorcycle or the guy who looks like he has been on some serious adventures and has stories to tell?

Yeah, exactly. I think you get my point.

On the classic television series Married with Children, Bud Bundy would create a new persona for school every year. In one episode, they showed him hanging up his latest costume with all the failed ones he had tried in the past. While it was done for television comedy, it’s not too far from the truth.

I don’t know how many suburban guys I’ve seen trying to pretend they were hip hop kids, guys pretending they were special forces, even dressing up in camouflage or other military-style clothing. I even remember one guy at my high school who claimed that he got into an early acceptance program (at 17!) for the Navy Seals, even though he hadn’t enlisted.

The bottom line is it’s not going to work. Either they are going to figure out you’re full of it right then or they are going to figure it out soon thereafter. You have just created a relationship based on lies that you are going to have to keep up in order to get to know this woman.

Physical Traits Women Are Attracted To

Ok, first of all, there are a few physical traits that women find attractive, and for the most part, either you have them or you don’t.

Now, don’t worry about it. Think of it this way: there are certain things about women that for most men are universal. Nice lips, nice breasts, nice butt? Yeah, these are great, but not every woman has them all and by no means are you going to pass someone up because you don’t have it all.

The same with women. Sure, there are certain physical attributes that women are attracted to visually, but very quickly they move past them and look for more internal things.

If you have these things, great! Accentuate them, make them more noticeable. If you don’t, it’s ok, we’ll get to more important stuff soon.

Long Legs

A study by the Royal Society Open Science revealed that women are programmed on a primal level to look for healthy men in order to provide them with strong offspring. They do this by looking at the proportions of the body, including the length of their legs.

When hundreds of women in the study were presented with images of different body types, the thing they care about was the length of legs. Scientists theorized it was because squat body types could be a sign of diseases like diabetes or heart disease and, on a primal level, their attraction was leading them toward a healthier male. [1]

A Deep Voice

According to scientific studies, women are attracted to deep voices because they associate them subconsciously with a larger and stronger physical presence. This triggers their evolutionary need to be protected and gets them very excited. There’s a reason Barry White songs do what they do.

Height and Size

Many women like a big guy whom they have to look up to. On a primal level, they feel safe and protected, and this definitely makes a man attractive. For some women, this can also mean muscle or even fat, but I would suggest the former if you have it.

You may not have the height, but at least make sure you present yourself with confidence and stand tall. Throw those shoulders back! Make sure that you are nice and tall with a strong posture. Don’t puff out the chest too much, or you will appear cocky and fake.

Being in Shape

Women like lean, muscular men. There are those that are attracted to big bodybuilders, but that’s a personal taste.

Most women like a lean, muscular body with a V-shape taper. Hint: Women love the lines around your waist and abs. If you can create the V that points downward, you have struck gold in this department.

Hygienic Behavior

I’ve touched on hygiene a few times, including in my book How to Talk to Women, but it is very important. A woman finds a man attractive when he takes care of himself, knows how to clean up and has pride in his appearance. You don’t have to look like a male model with every hair and whisker in place, but having a sense of pride and keeping yourself presentable goes a long way when it comes to attraction.

A Great Smile

Who doesn’t like a great smile? Nobody wants to hang out with someone who frowns all the time.

Make sure you keep those teeth nice and clean and white! Don’t go overboard, though, with chemical bleaching; you might glow in the dark.

Forearms

Did you know that forearms are one of the sexiest things women think about a man? It’s true. It shows a man’s strength and power.

You can always go to the gym and build them up. Once you do, make sure you roll up your sleeves to show them off. Go easy on the weights, though. Women like lean muscles, not bulky, and very few people find those bulging veins attractive.

Men Who Look a Bit Older

Psychologists have determined that women usually prefer older men (except for cougars, but you’ll have to check out How to Flirt with Women for more information on that subject). The reasoning is that on a primal level they see it as support, as well as the fact that men are fertile for a longer period of time, so they can be successful and still have children later in life.

Stubble

Some women really like beards, and some women really like clean-shaven men. Usually, they fall on one side of the fence or the other, but interestingly enough, almost all women like some stubble.

An Australian study showed that of four types of facial hair—clean-shaven, stubble, heavier stubble and a full beard—most women said the most attractive style was heavy stubble. Scientists determined that it gave them a feeling of maturity, masculinity, and dominance. [2]

Hint: If you go for the stubble look, get some specialty beard cream for it. It’ll keep it nice and soft when she rubs it.

What Behaviors Are Women Attracted To?

As important as physical appearance is, it’s also what you are like on the inside that women are interested in. So, the way you behave and interact with them is of vital importance.

Stable Behavior

Women like to know deep down that if they end up with you, you are going to take care of them or at least work with them to create an environment where you can both be safe and grow.

This means that one of the qualities she looks for is that you are stable in your handling of the world as well as finances. She wants to know how you handle things that come your way.

She likes to see that you are balanced and don’t lose your temper or treat people unfairly. She wants to know you aren’t unpredictable when it comes to your reaction. She wants you to be spontaneous about coming up with a fun date, but she doesn’t want you to be unpredictable and throw a tantrum because your wine was opened improperly.

She also wants to know that you are stable with your finances. That you know how to save and not be frivolous on a regular basis. That you don’t waste money or spend it on things you don’t need.

Make It Slow

They want to see you can be calm in the moment. Women find slow, calculated and deliberate movements attractive. They perceive you as more confident and relaxed.

If you are a bigger guy, be very conscious of your movements. As a taller man myself with some muscle, I know that small moves to me can still have big consequences. Be careful.

A Sharer… to a Point

Women like a man who shares, but not too much.

They like it when you tell them a bit about your day, but they don’t want to hear every detail or the inner emotions you are dealing with. If something is truly bothering you and you are in a relationship, things obviously change a bit, but we’ll discuss that in Part Three of the book.

They also want you to share real experiences. A bite of their food or drink is great, as long as you don’t force it and you make sure to ask if it’s ok before you start. They want to have that culinary connection at that moment. It’s a great way to expand on that chemistry.

Charm

There is a difference between charm and confidence. Confidence is who you are, and charm is how you show it. Charm is really about making people completely at ease when they talk with you.

Women like men who are comfortable dealing with them. Now, this isn’t about being a player and knowing how to say every little thing that will get her to be yours. Charm is about being nice, knowing how to make her feel comfortable and how to just be fun to be around.

A True Sense of Humor

I’m sure you have that one friend who thinks they are a stand-up comedian. They might be funny, but when you get together, sometimes it feels like you are watching him on stage at a comedy club instead of hanging out. Suddenly it’s as if all the lights are on him.

While this can be entertaining, for a bit, for the most part, it’s not what women look for in a sense of humor. Women want a man who can turn a phrase in a certain way that is funny and intelligent. Maybe drop in some innuendo or teasing. They want it to feel organic and be part of the fun, not like they are sitting in the front row being told jokes by a comic.

A Positive Mindset

This is a subject I discuss at length in How to Talk to Women. You need to have a positive mindset that women want to be around. It can be one of many types, but the bottom line is you have to be confident, sure of yourself and not negative.

What Do Women Not Want?

Insecurity

Women love confidence, and they hate insecurity, and it can come out in numerous ways.

You can’t keep eye contact with her. She is not going to make a connection with you or be attracted to you if you can’t look her in the eye! She doesn’t see this as cute; she sees this as emotional weakness.

Appearing nervous. This means you are unsure of yourself and a woman is going to see this as a sign of a lack of confidence.

Actually saying that she wouldn’t be into you. This is actually putting your fear into words and handing it to her. If she had any doubts about your insecurities, they are gone now. Don’t sabotage yourself!

Not being yourself. If you don’t express who you really are and either try to cover it up or put on a false front, she is going to see this as not being confident in who you are. Women want men who are comfortable in their own skin and with their personality.

Bragging. She knows that you are trying to impress her and build yourself up. The more you do this, the more insecure she is going to realize you are.

Being physically tense or fidgeting. This is a sign of nerves and a lack of confidence. It’s hard to make a connection, and it’s really distracting. Take a deep breath and calm down.

Being clingy. Women like attention, but they don’t want you to be so insecure that you feel like you have to be all over them or around them. It’s a sign you don’t believe that you are good enough to keep her and it will eventually drive her away.

Being too aggressive. Women like men who take charge, but there is a definite difference between that and being too aggressive. You need to not push and be observant of how she reacts. Don’t pressure her into a sexual conversation before she’s ready or expect her to react a certain way. All this will do is make her say goodbye.

Being jealous. Whether it’s when you first meet her or after you’ve started dating, most women don’t want to see you acting jealous of other men around her. It’s a clear sign that you’re insecure. And if you start showing it right off the bat, it’s creepy.

Not seeing who she is. Women want you to see who they are inside, not just the surface. When it comes to gifts, they want to know that you put thought into something. You didn’t just get her flowers because that’s what you do, you got her daisies because they are her favorite. They want you to understand that they also have a life, goals, and dreams and respect them for that.

Rudeness

You don’t have to have the manners of a Victorian-era British lord, but you should remember things as simple as saying “please”, “thank you” and “excuse me”. It’s also best to save any belching and farting contest with your buddies for more private venues. Even women who appreciate that sort of humor don’t want to hear it in public. It’ll just make them embarrassed to be around you. Also, make sure that your friends mind their manners as well. Women will judge you based on the company you keep.

Crudeness

This isn’t that different from rudeness, except in this case, I’m using “crudeness” to refer to all those overtly sexually jokes and gestures that guys like to make among themselves. Honestly, these jokes and gestures aren’t always appropriate among just men, let alone when women are involved. If you have any inappropriate thoughts about women, private parts, and so forth, keep them to yourself. Like with rudeness, even if a woman has that sort of humor, she might not appreciate hearing it in public, especially not when meeting you for the first time.

Insensitivity

I’m not saying that you have to cry at the drop of a hat—in fact, you really shouldn’t, since women don’t want oversensitivity, either. Still, don’t be a cold, heartless SOB, either. If someone trips and falls close to you, show some compassion and ask if they’re okay, maybe even offer to help them up. If a fight breaks out near you, don’t take a side or encourage it. If possible, help de-escalate it. If a child is crying, don’t act annoyed or put out. At the very least, be understanding that the parent or parents are trying their best. If you can, see if you can help out. Insensitivity and a lack of compassion are a couple of the worst traits that a woman can find in a man, along with insecurity. If they can’t count on you for compassion and sympathy, they’ll never be able to open up to you emotionally.

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