Some People Just Don’t Get It
Many a booze-soaked evening I’ve spent in the company of men not clear on the concept of dirty talk. While the local watering hole may not seem like quite a right venue to discuss one’s romantic challenges, I can attest to the opposite.
In vino veritas (and also scotch, beer, tequila, gin, and vodka). And so it is that when guys get good and socially lubricated, it’s pretty amazing what they’re willing to share. I have one friend, in particular, I’ve spent many years doing my best to advise on the topic of his amorous adventures sagely. Impervious to reform as he has proven to be, I see no reason to deny him the benefit of my counsel. What else do I have to do while joining him in the time-honored pursuit of male bonding commonly called “propping up the bar”?
For the sake of this article, my friend’s name is “Bob.” I wouldn’t define Bob as an Average Joe. He’s really more of a hot mess in a trucker cap, with an attitude rivaling that of the infamous honey badger – relentless, snarly and socially maladjusted. Bob has never been all that successful with women, but one night he related the epic saga of his hot pursuit of a local lovely. His attempts to woo this woman (who we’ll refer to as “Sandra”) were somewhat successful. They went better than they usually do for Bob. But those early results were to fall on hard times the moment it became clear to the lovely Sandra that Bob did just not get it.
“It” refers to Bob’s ability to express what’s going on in his head in a manner which doesn’t cause his romantic interests to flee in terror. Specifically, Bob had embarked on a campaign of ratcheting up his canoodling efforts, deploying a weapon that he was not well enough acquainted with to deploy. Bob went for the dirty talk.
What resulted can only be referred to as mutually assured destruction. Sandra stopped returning Bob’s calls (and ignored his serial and imploring phone messages, texts, and emails, all of which begged her forgiveness).
What did Bob say? While I shudder to repeat those desolation-inducing words, I must. For words like these are the reasons for an article like this in the first place. Words like these emit a scent of ineptitude which can be smelled for miles around.
He said (and I quote):
“Tonight I’m going to stuff my love snake right in your horny hooter.”
Bob said these cringey words; these fart-scented pearls of linguistic spasticity in the checkout line at the local liquor outlet. He said them into Sandra’s ear – hissed them, actually, if Sandra’s account is to be believed – as she was leafing through a TV Guide, considering the (then) happy couple’s Friday night television-viewing options.
As Bob recounted his side of the story over tumblers of Jack Daniel’s and ice, I recall looking down at my boots, where they rested on the brass rail under my bar stool. I was concealing a smirk, even though I doubted Bob was sober enough to have noticed it, anyhow. All the same, my compassion for Bob’s sad, sad attempt at the dirty talk was real, and I didn’t want to hurt the feelings I knew were in there somewhere, concealed under his John Deere cap and the flannel shirt.
Bob’s not alone. All over the world tonight, there are men trying to whip together the right words to melt their women into puddles of lust. Some of them know what they’re doing, but most of them – not so much. Most of them pluck their attempts at a dirty talk from their favorite films. While the world of film is great for examples of sexy wordplay, this truth does not extend to some of its more risqué corners. Porn, for example, is not a great venue for men looking to find the right words. They are not the right words, guys. Not the right words at all.
And it’s not just the boys who need help in this department. Women need it too. While men may be less likely to take offense at women whispering sweet dirties in their ears, pushing the right buttons is key. Men’s buttons are less complex in the realm of sex than women’s are. They’re more forthright and to the point because when it comes to sex, we’re pretty simple creatures. We know it, and I embrace it. This home fact about men makes it much easier for women to choose the right words to whisper in our ears. Basically, they’re all the right words! Then again, we have our favorites and women should know what they are.
Timing, venue, mood and word choice are all part of successfully deploying sexual wordplay. That’s because dirty talk has a psycho-sexual basis which informs our arousal levels. It’s science, my friends. It’s the science of linguistic lovemaking and mastering it can take your sex play to a whole new level of fun and frolic. Whipping up the tension with words is part of the fun. Knowing how to do it right is just one more weapon in your amorous arsenal and what’s not to like about that?
Bob, of course, seriously needs this info. The Bobs of this world (and maybe some of the Sandras, too) could use a little help with their dirty talking efforts. That’s my mission. To help the Bobs, the Sandras and all the other folks out there to find the right words. These are languishing inside them, itching to come out and play. I want to help set those words free at the right moment, in the right place, in the right order. And why? So that they, too, can enjoy the many rewards of sexy, smutty, delicious, dirty talk.
The Sexy Scientific Facts Behind Talking Dirty
Behind everything in the world lurks a scientific fact. The same is true of our psychological responses to the spoken word. Words can elicit all sorts of emotional and physical responses. If you’ve ever been yelled at by someone unexpectedly, you’ll know what I mean. Suddenly, you’re all a tingle, as your fight or flight physical response kicks in. As the adrenalin (released by the fear and alarm you’re feeling) begins to course through your body, you’ll start to shake and perhaps sweat.
This is just one example of how emotional responses are translated into physiological phenomena in our bodies. Having sweet dirties whispered in your ear by a lover can also provoke a physical response of a very different kind – arousal. Here’s how it works.
The brain is the most important sex organ
I’m willing to bet you’ve never thought of it that way, right? The brain is the most potent sex organ in your body, whether you’re a man or a woman. This is the true seat of human desire and where your libido is born. A lot higher up than you thought, I’m sure.
As I mentioned a little earlier, sex talk is different for men than it is for women. That’s because our limbic systems have different ways of effecting how we receive information. The limbic system governs much of our emotional lives, including the part of our lives concerned with sex.
The journal Hormone Research published a study which singled out two regions of the part of the brain called the hypothalamus (the part of the limbic system which includes the pituitary gland). These regions work differently in the brains of the two genders. One of these regions, called the preoptic, is twice the size in guys that it is in women. It’s the part of the human brain that makes us want to mate, relate and do the horizontal bop, no less. In men, this region also contains twice the number of cells it does in women.
And there’s more. The suprachiasmatic nucleus (which is implicated in circadian rhythms, which govern eating, sleeping and hormone production in animals, including us, as well as cyclical reproductive urges) is a completely different shape in men and women.
What all this means is the male hormone (testosterone) circulates more freely in the male brain, increasing the desire for sex. The reduced presence of testosterone in the female brain (yep, women have it, too), in comparison to men’s, means a concurrent reduction in sexual desire. While mileage may vary (due to hormonal variations in individuals) these are the most compelling reasons for sexual response disparity between men and women. It’s all in the brain!
Sex is not just about what goes on below the belt. It’s between our ears, as much as it is between our legs. When we think of our bodies, many of us don’t include our brains as part of that. You can probably blame a certain Mr. Descartes for that one. He believed the brain governed the body and was somehow part of it but made a distinction between what he considered two different areas; related, but not integral. That distinction has endured until the present day. But clearly, our brains and bodies are all invited to the party where sex is concerned. That’s because they’re kind of the same thing.
And here’s the kicker. Psychologists say that the parts of the brain at work while we’re doing the naughty things we humans love to do are also engaged when we use language our moms wouldn’t care to hear us using. So sex and swearing are very closely linked in terms of how our brains are engaged, which explains why talking dirty is so appealing to us. What your brain, in essence, is saying is that when it comes to talking dirty, raunch is the order of the day. But following on from what we’ve discovered about the human brain’s sexual differences in men and women, that message is differently received by women than it is by men.
Women may not have the same chemical drive to engage in sex that men do. But this doesn’t necessarily mean their arousal can’t be provoked through the deft employment of dirty talk. During sex, the amygdala (also part of the limbic system and another component of emotional processing, especially fear) is stimulated. For women, this means that the sounds made during sex (moans, whispers, and spoken language) are highly stimulating, perhaps even more so than they are for men.
Talk – a four letter word for sex
There’s that word again. It’s a very important word when it comes to sex. In 2012, the Journal of Personal and Social Relationships published a study on the role of language in sexual relationships. The study found that people who were genuinely comfortable and open about talking to their partners about sex had way more fun than other people do while doing the dirty. Being able to talk to each other in bed, especially communicating desires and telling their partners what they wanted, meant better sex for men and women in these communicative relationships.
Dirty talk adds another component to the sex act; something extra that appeals to human beings, because of our unique linguistic abilities. While the brain is already engaged in the sex act, it is further engaged through the use of the spoken word to intensify the experience, as it engages the brain on a completely different and deeper level.
Women and cultural challenges
Again, we need to return to some fundamental differences between men and women. Beyond brain function and chemical reactions, society and history lurk in the dark corners of the bedroom, making it difficult for some women to express their sexual natures. This is not my fault, your fault, or their fault. It’s a cultural problem that makes it difficult for a lot of women to let go sexually and really have at it. When we’re talking about sex, though, that cultural problem can actually be, in a manner of speaking, worked out.
The ancient Greeks believed in something called “catharsis.” Catharsis was said to occur in live theatrical settings where the audience by seeing a social problem worked out by the actors on the stage, would derive some kind of relief from viewing it. Even though they were passive participants in the action, they would leave the theater feeling better about life, in general. You can see how modern films and television shows often serve the same purpose. Common themes are worked out before our eyes. A very popular example is: A boy meets a girl. The boy gets the girl. The boy loses the girl. The boy gets his girl back and they go on happily ever after. Watching other people work through life problems has a cathartic, or purging effect.
The same is true of sex. What women face in the world outside the bedroom door can actually be purged in the sex act. Sometimes that means a strong, independent woman will be eager to take the submissive role. It can also mean a shy woman wants to play the part of the aggressor, dominating the man she’s with. Whether women live out these roles overtly or in subtle ways, men’s ability to tune into what women want in this respect can be a powerful way to make sex even better for both parties involved.
Dirty talk, for this very reason, can be uniquely liberating for a lot of women. It provides them with a portal to their animal natures that allow them to break out of social constructs about “madonnas” and “whores” and truly and righteously get their freak on. The key word here is “trust.” There must be a solid foundation of trust (even in casual relationships) that permits that kind of effect.
While men tend to respond, predominantly, to visual stimuli, women are more responsive to sound. For this reason, dirty talk can be tremendously erotic for women, and this is probably a key reason why it’s practiced more commonly by men than it is by women. This is the reason men like to see women in sexy lingerie. That’s not to say there aren’t women out there who respond to visual stimuli just as fulsomely as men do and vice versa. But by and large, dirty talk is a liberating, intensely erotic part of lovemaking for women. For this reason, it’s an important skill for men to have a solid grasp of. By the same token, I don’t need to tell men how much we enjoy it when women talk to dirty to us.
Now that we have our brains, their role in sex and their somewhat gendered responses to auditory stimuli covered, let’s move on to some helpful, practical examples and unpack the dirty talk toolbox.
Dumping A Full Load Of Dirty Talk
You’ll remember my friend, Bob, from a bit earlier. Guys like Bob need a hella hella lot of help. His feet were made to be inserted in his mouth, mostly both at the same time. A lot of guys, though, just need a little shove in the right direction to get their dirty talk mojo working in a way that appeals to women.
We all know how to talk dirty. But some of us get it so grievously wrong we don’t turn the women we’re with on. We turn them off. Then again, women aren’t light switches. Women (as we’ve seen in the last chapter) are complex beings who are a little different than we are, for a number of reasons. Knowing how to talk to women is an enduring problem for the male of the species. Inter-gender dialogue can be a minefield. One false move and “KABOOM!”
But we can fix that. We’re going to start unpacking our dirty talk toolbox in a minute, but let’s start with some simple ground rules about what not to say. It’s usually best to work backward with things like this and, by the process of elimination, arrive at the right set of tools to help us get the job done.
What not to say to women
There are some words women aren’t especially fond of hearing come out of a man’s mouth. We’ve seen several in the example I gave you in Chapter 1. Bob said the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. All those factors have to converge to make dirty talk effective harmonically, but the basis for successful dirty talk is what you say. In writing this article, I’ve sought out the opinions of actual women about what they don’t want to hear. Pay cl0se attention, because you may be surprised what they say.
Patricia is my neighbor, down the road. She’s a very smart woman, with a lot of life and accomplishments under her belt. She runs her own organic farm and is no man’s fool. Any failure on the part of men to understand that about Patricia is bound to result in a roundhouse kick to the head. Hers are highly effective, as my friend Bob can relate (but we’ll leave that story for another day).
We met over coffee at Patricia’s kitchen table. I was lucky to find her with a few minutes to spare between feeding the chickens and tilling the back 40.
Once she’d absorbed the somewhat unusual question (concerning her preferences in the dirty talk department), Patricia was very forthcoming about what rubbed her the wrong way (as opposed to the right way) in the realm of the language of love.
“Don’t even let one of them call me that word.” She said flatly, staring at me with unruffled conviction.
“What word is that?” I asked, expectantly (and maybe a little nervously, because Patricia is not a woman you want to offend).
“That word and you know damned well what it is!” Her pitch went up a little as she slammed her hand down on the table, causing the contents of her cup to undulate in protest. “It starts with a “c”, and you know what it is!”
Yes. I did know it and so do you, friends. You know what that dread word is, so I’m not going to repeat it here. This is a word loathed by English-speaking women far and wide when spoken by men. That’s especially true of men they’re either sleeping with or are thinking about sleeping with. Use it, and you won’t be getting any for a while, where Patricia and a lot of other women are concerned. Use it, and you will lose any chance you ever had of slipping in between the sheets with the object of your as yet unrealized affections. You may even get a roundhouse kick to the head.
This is a gal from my long ago high school days. She was always a horse of a different color and someone who stood out from the crowd. Over the years, Layla was to become an Emergency Room nurse, living in the distant wilds of New Jersey. We keep in touch, so I gave her a call to ask her opinion.
Because there’s little that hauls Layla up short (probably due to her daily proximity to gaping head wounds, drug overdoses and plenty of blood), she chuckled when I asked her the question. She then told me a rather raunchy and tawdry tale about a dude-who-shall-remain-nameless. The following is part of that tale.
“He was so damned tedious. He just kep’ on saying ‘Like that? Do ya like that?’ over and over. Gawwwwd, he bored the crap outta me! Did I tell you he lived with his mother?”
I had to agree with Layla (and also commiserate about Mr. Boring). This is one that gets old really fast. Men should know that these days, women need us to do a little better than sounding like an insecure, broken record. If women don’t “like it,” they will tell us. Stop asking. It’s annoying and what’s more, kind of pathetic and probably a dead giveaway that you live with your mom! (Sorry if it’s your “go to” dirty talk headliner, but we can fix that in the next section of this chapter. Stay tuned).
A busy and high-powered woman, Betty is a local City Councilor. Besides keeping the home fires burning for her firefighter husband, being a wheel with the local Rotary and keeping three kids out of trouble, Betty is an energetic, high-profile citizen of our town who also really likes sex. One of her very favorite parts of that is dirty talk. She and her husband have made it their life’s work to outdo each other on the dirty talk front.
Betty was only too happy to answer my question, eyes alight with lustful appreciation at being given the opportunity to talk about one of her most beloved subjects (a close second to local politics).
“I’m down for almost everything, but before I was married there was something that kept coming up with this one guy. Even though I told him to stop doing it, it’s like he didn’t have an off switch or something.” Betty gazed off into space, no doubt remembering the unfortunate coupling.
“What did he say?” I asked, almost afraid of hearing what could possibly throw Betty off her dirty talk game. She’s a pro.
She sighed before continuing, obviously reluctant to talk about it. “Well…he used to bark like a dog and growl. Sometimes, he’d even lick my face. I suppose it was some kind of weird auto-bestiality thing. I just know I didn’t want anything to do with it. I hope he found a woman who did!”
Wow. Poor guy. I hoped, as Betty did that Mr. Dog Boy finally hooked up with someone who could understand his unusual fantasy life and bring him some measure of relief. As they say, there’s someone for everyone. It’s not necessarily that he did anything wrong. He just did it to the wrong woman, is all. This is a great example of why you should discuss “special needs” with your partner before you start barking, growling and/or licking anyone’s face. I don’t need to explain why that is, I hope.
Some general rules of thumb
All men know, deep down (whether they care to admit it or not) that we’re not the most sophisticated creatures on the planet when it comes to tuning into women. That’s why we’re so often found in pool rooms, bars, and the neighbor’s garage, complaining to other men that we can’t do or say anything right where the mysterious female of the species is concerned.
The hell we can’t! We can and we will. Sometimes we just need a clue; a flashlight to illuminate the way to a woman’s esoteric heart.
Women are, generally speaking, much more imaginative than men. They have rich fantasy lives that aren’t necessarily visually based because women are capable of visualizing their fantasies without any aids. You may find the odd piece of literature around a woman’s house, but for the most part, porn doesn’t occupy the same amount of space in a woman’s sock drawer as it might a man’s. While many women enjoy porn, their vivid imaginations mean they don’t call on it quite as frequently as men do.
So it’s important that men appeal to the vivid imaginations of women. Tell her the way you think about her when she’s not around. What she might be wearing (or not wearing). Tell her about your as-yet-undisclosed fantasy to visit her at work and assail her virtue in the supply closet, or on top of the photocopier, behind the locked door of the document center. Tell her in detail what you plan on doing with her. Be explicit, but don’t (for the love of God), employ the use of the words “banging,” “porking” or “smashing.” Words like that not only sound somewhat violent, they’re more appropriate coming out of the mouth of a teenager. I’m assuming you’re not a teenager. If you are, go do your homework!
Lean more toward words like “fucking” (women love this word, as it has an especially dirty feel in this context), “taking” (implying sexual dominance in that bodice-ripping soft porn way). Good phrases include “take you from behind” and “fuck you from behind.” Describe to her how you plan to pull down her panties just enough to “get at her.”
A woman who’s comfortable with you may find the “c” word permissible when describing her genitals in this context but watch it. This one could go either way. You already know what my neighbor, Patricia, has to say about it. Never, ever refer to her as a “c” word, under any circumstances. It’s not your place, and she’ll let you know it’s not, in no uncertain terms. Also, it’s not cool, and I know you’re cool because you’re reading this.
Easy does it
Starting slow is always advisable. As with sex itself, the dirty talk shouldn’t be going from zero to sixty in under ten seconds. A soft core approach is highly counseled. Here are a couple of my favorite go tos:
“Your tits look amazing in that top.”
Women love to hear how much you like the girls. You can also use this in text conversations, for example, “R u wearing that top ur tits look so gud in?”, or an email. You can get a little more detailed in this longer form of electronic communication and perhaps say something like this:
“Hi baby, I was just thinking about the other night and that top you were wearing. I can’t seem to get the thought of your perky little tits in that thing off my mind. Are you wearing it now? Tell me you’re wearing it now.”
“The thought of you makes me hot.”
Like comments about their tits, women love this one. The text version might look something like this: “The thot of u mks me hot.” Again, expand and elaborate if you’re sending an email:
“Hi, hotness. I wish I could stop thinking about you. I have to work. I can’t concentrate with the thought of you in my mind, making me so damned hot I want to come over there right now. You know why, too, don’t you?”
“You are so sexy.”
You’re probably thinking it, so why not say it? Women love to hear this one as often as possible, especially when you’re in the middle of sexing each other up. But it’s an all purpose go to, no matter when or where you say it. Text it to a woman out of the blue, i.e. “Sexy.” That’s all you need to say. Maybe you’ll get a text back and start up a little electronic flirting. Email it. Write it on a post-it and slip it into her coat pocket. Whisper it in her ear in the checkout line at the grocery store and then look her up and down like you’re going to eat her. You won’t be sorry you did!
Get the idea? Slowing down when it comes to dirty talk gives you some place to go. Building sexual tension and mystery with dirty talk is an art form that takes finesse and practice. If you’re aware of what you’re saying, the timing and the context you’re talking dirty in, you’ll begin to develop an innate sense of what works. Once you feel comfortable with your progress, you can move on to the raunchier items.
This section is for people who’ve worked on their dirty talk mojo. It’s also for people who have developed enough trust with their partners to be sure it’s time to ratchet up the raunch with no harm done. Not for the faint of heart or the uninitiated, this is dirty talk’s finest hour. It’s fiery stuff, so handle with care. Whatever you do, test the waters with a softcore approach, as described in the previous section. If you’re seeing the kind of response you’re looking for (lust), then keep right on going. That’s a green light.
Don’t be like Mr. Dog Boy, Betty’s old paramour. He didn’t know who he was talking to and that she wasn’t ready for that particular kind of jelly. He was just throwing stuff at the wall and hoping it stuck there. Know, through softcore exploration, what’s most likely to turn your woman on and only then, proceed. Remember, if you’re just hoping to turn yourself on (like Mr. Dog Boy), you may as well pack up your marbles and go home. If you push the wrong button, you are screwed, friends.
My “go tos” include the following:
“I can’t wait to fuck you.” Look her straight in the eyes and don’t be shy. You mean business and she knows it. This is probably not for electronic conversations. It’s a cut-to-the-chase line when you’re just about ready to get naked.
“I know you want my cock, don’t you?” Again, this is a segue way to the live action portion of the festivities, so it’s a face-to-face line. Deliver it coyly and wait for a response. If you don’t get one and she just giggles, move on to the next one.
“Are you wet?” This is one of the hottest questions you can ask a woman when she’s ready to go, and she will answer you tremulously (perhaps panting).
In the heat of the moment, you can be much dirtier, but as I said earlier, you need to take your time and leave yourself someplace to go. As you can see, you’re building the dirty talk to a fever pitch. Save something to bring that baby home. Some of my favorites are adaptable to text and email only if you’re already in the midst of a sexual relationship, so keep that in mind:
“You’re so wet. I need to taste your hot little pussy.” Handle with care. This one always gets a highly favorable response, in my experience.
“I love fucking you/I could fuck you all day, and all night/you’re the hottest fuck ever.” Putty in your hands, my friend.
I’m sure these sound familiar, but what I want to impress on you in the various levels of dirty talk are the elements of timing and setting. Once you’re a dirty talk maestro, you can play with these themes and the timing of rolling them out. If you’re in a relationship of some duration, your knowledge of your partner will give you much more leeway and the two-way communication can be built into something truly sublime. This can only make your sex lives incendiary.
Dirty Talk is for Women, Too!
You’ll remember my City Councilor friend, Betty. If you didn’t know her personally, you’d never imagine she prides herself on being a great connoisseur of dirty talk. Her prim, well-groomed appearance is deceptive, because the lady she is in the streets is an over the top freak between the sheets. She’s not shy, and her husband is one happy fella!
I’ve consulted with Betty on this section, in order to discover the secrets of her matrimonial sexual wordplay. Married now for 20 years, Betty never seems to run out of steam and her dirty talking ways have a lot to do with that. She and her husband talk dirty by text, on the phone and sometimes by instant message or email. They even leave each other filthy notes! (Betty tells the story of opening one such particularly filthy note in Council Chambers. This occurred in the middle of a public meeting, forcing Betty to explain her giggling in the middle of a serious discussion on sewage treatment). They’ve developed quite a repertoire, so enjoy Betty’s prescription for non-stop, dirty talking fun.
Betty’s dirty talk tips for women
Betty swears up and down that one of the most important things about talking dirty to a man is to make him feel powerful, sexy and somewhat beastly. Men need to know they’re sexy and desirable as much as women do, even though a lot of guys will tell you that’s not true. In their minds, sexiness is something women have sole possession of. They think of themselves as the beneficiaries of feminine sexiness, but rarely as the purveyors of that same quality. Betty wants men to know that sex is way more potent and primal when men understand they’re turning women on.
One of Betty’s most important tips is that men don’t like to guess. Guessing makes men nervous and sometimes cantankerous. It’s not advised as a strategy. Men need clear signals, but they also need women to step up and tell them what they’re thinking. That can be difficult for a lot of women (see the section on cultural challenges). Women are raised to believe that men should take the lead, especially where sex is concerned. But Betty counsels that a lot of men, including her husband, enjoy a woman asserting herself and vocalizing her sexual desires, fantasies, and ideas for various bedroom antics.
Another thing for women to know, when it comes to talking dirty is that men want them to. Men want to hear every dirty thought on their minds, as a matter of fact. Some women can be a little shy, but with practice, they can learn to love talking dirty. Also, women don’t need to follow the same rules men do, in this regard. Because of the differing responses in our brains to sexual stimuli, women are free to get as dirty as they like as quickly as they like. But building sexual tension is fun for men, too and can keep them in a state of perpetual sexual excitement that’s highly beneficial for the libidos of both parties.
So let’s start with some of Betty’s softcore favorites; ones she’s found keep her old man set to “boil” pretty well all the time.
Betty’s suggestive softcore favorites
One of Betty’s favorite activities is teasing her husband with softcore suggestion and innuendo (we’ll talk about that in a minute). There’s a little Mae West in every woman, but Betty probably got a bigger chunk than most. She likes to play with one of Ms. West’s more legendary lines, the epic:
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
Betty takes this iconic line and Bettifies it by using it as a point of reference. For example, she might say one of the following:
“How’s your gun, baby? Is that bitch ready to go?”
“I’m thinking Smith and Wesson for dessert, big boy.”
“You’d better be locked and loaded, stud. Bull’s eye time.”
And this is just a taste of what Betty’s fertile imagination is capable of. Her firefighter husband loves her sly teasing and even after 20 years of marriage and a really big day at the firehouse, he’s only too happy to come home and get it on with Betty. Where in-person, on the phone, a post-it, or the interwebs, Betty’s recipe for dirty talk success is a winner
Betty does hardcore
Betty’s also fond of tucking notes into her hubby’s lunchbox. She writes little nuggets of dirty talk and then hides them under his sandwiches, to read in the lunchroom. Some of these are not only extremely hot but downright filthy. Some of Betty’s favorites include:
“You should really be eating me, you greedy little pussy eater.”
“I’ll be wearing crotchless panties when you get home. Be hungry.”
“My dildo is no substitute for you, but I’m using it anyway.”
As you can see, Betty is quite the filthy woman and her husband enjoys her dirty talk as much as Betty does (possibly more).
Another favorite means of sharing the dirty talk with her husband is text messages. Betty, as with other methods of transmitting the abundant filth in her naughty mind is a straight up maestro of the dirty text message. Top five Betty raves are these ones:
“Ur dik is mine 2nite.”
“U shld b here 2 lik my fngrs.”
“Kitchn tbl 5pm. Hv it hot n reddy.”
Emails from Betty can be elaborate affairs, or sometimes only a few words, but whatever form they take, they’re always memorable and drive her husband out of his gourd. These are some of Betty’s dirty talking career bests (the first is a Japanese Haiku, for God’s sake!):
“Your hot, throbbing cock
Is my only thought, hot stud,
As I masturbate.”
Can you bring home a loaf of bread, a quart of milk and your balls full of cum?
Did you remember we have to go to the neighbors for that party tonight? I know you’re not crazy about parties, but they’ve been so nice about that tree of ours falling on their tool shed. I was thinking it might be fun, for a change. The kids are on that skating trip. Anyways, they have that really palatial bathroom, and you can pull my panties down and fuck bent over the vanity. Come on, baby. You know I love a quickie, and you know you want to!
So you see, dirty talk really is for women, because it’s imaginative, fun and sexy as all hell. Men love to hear that you’re thinking about them, that you want them and that you’re ready and willing. There is no greater turn on for us. Betty’s example is one more women should aspire too because dirty talk has made her marital life a whole lot more fun (and sexy) than it would be without it. Of course, the comfort level Betty enjoys with her husband is a special gift. All the same, Betty’s dirty talk tips for women are highly adaptable. Use your imagination and drive your man wild.