Let’s start with…
We are the masters of complicating our lives and justifying why we do it. The justifications are vast and diverse. But the method of complication is somewhat common: giving a shit about things you should not.
When I say “We”, I’m referring to males. The boys. This article is written specifically to them because I am male and being the best male possible is what I write about most. Sorry to any ladies trolling this article, but guys will benefit the most. However, I think even women who read this will appreciate it, because a world with less anxious males will benefit everyone.
The most miserable person on earth is Karen, a middle-aged woman with short hair, unattractive physique and a resting bitch-face. Like her name suggests phonetically, Karen cares about way too much that does not matter, while obviously caring too little about things that do, like her appearance and energy outpour.
Karen complains when she sees kids skateboarding without all the possible protective gear on. She shouts when they climb trees. She bitches her brains out when she sees someone vaping. She’ll make a scene and slut-shame a younger woman who’s fortunate-looking enough to look good wearing less. When college kids are having a party, she complains to the local police even when the noise isn’t audible in her house.
Her rule is that no one is allowed to have fun since her life is anything but.
When solutions are applied to other people’s problems, those solutions become her problems. They are anywhere from mere inconvenience to all-out injustice, even though the effect they have on her is marginal at best.
She once sued the local city council for installing speed bumps after a school child was killed by a speeding driver. Her bitch was that she spilled hot coffee on herself for while driving over them too fast. Like the asshole that sued McDonald’s for a similar situation, she couldn’t bear to think that it was her fault.
During the Covid Pandemic, she refused to wear a face-mask during her 5-minute trip to the grocery store. She shouted that it was an infringement on her rights as an American to be forced to wear a mask, despite the store being private property. She went on to harass the workers and asked to speak to a manager.
Later on that day, even after getting some store credit to shut her up, Karen shot a vlog about it.
Karen also attended a “woman’s march” because someone that she and her like-minded friends didn’t like got elected to office. She believes that she speaks for all women, which is why she and her organizer friends chose to call it “A March for All Women.” Often, when in arguments (that she started of course), she’ll begin her piece by saying something like, “As a woman,” or “As a mother.” A regular habit of hers is to volunteer information that no one asked for.
Quite often, her arguments take place on social media platforms, since she’s the self-appointed police of all conversations and opinions. At least 46% of her lifespan and 71% of her energy has been spent on social media arguing in comment wars. Even when she wins those wars, she still feels discontent, because nothing really changes.
As you can see, the problem is that she cares too much. So much of her life is wasted by things that do not remotely matter nor affect her.
In South Park , it turns out that the Goth kids actually have the right idea, or at least some of it right. They ask the question, “What’s the point of caring if all it brings is pain?” They used this line to justify their apathy. However, apathy is not the answer, but rather an awareness of the cost of caring.
When I was a kid, a very popular video game that’s still around and being rebooted today was Mortal Kombat . In the game, each player was assigned a life-bar. The bar would become depleted as your character took a hit from the other player. We have a similar life-bar in our lives. One that represents our energy and effort. Also, one that represents our attention and time, two resources that are severely limited.
You can also argue that our money is like a life-bar as well, but everyone that’s not a billionaire is well-aware of the limits on their money.
The point is that there is a finite amount of each of these things in your life presently. The things you choose to care about will chip away at them. And caring about far too many things will deplete them. Today’s world now poses a great danger as it attempts to convince you to care about far too many things.
But consider the contra-point. If caring too much will make you unhappy, what will caring too little do? Maybe not be completely careless, but rather care a lot less. Turns out, there is great success that awaits you when you care a lot less.
The best example I can think of from my own personal life was when I gave up Facebook. Like most other people in my generation, I spent too much time on it. Each time I took a dump, an extra 20 minutes was added to the sojourn just from scrolling the newsfeed. When I was waiting in line, at a red light, or for a date to show up, I took it as an opportunity to scroll.
All these instances added up could account for almost 3 hours a day. And from those 3 hours, was I really getting much happiness? Absolutely not.
Social media is very adversarial to straight, white males. If you were from an alien world and all you had to see of Earth was a Facebook feed, you’d think that straight, white males are the scum of the Earth. You’d think they were racists, rapists and privileged oppressors. Social media is where the lies of male privilege, the gender wage gap, higher education as a human right, 95 different genders and social justice were born.
While seeing these things in my feed was like hearing nails on a chalkboard, I chose not to respond. The people who believed this bullshit made it almost too easy to rip them to shreds. Shit like, “All this income inequality is just not fair! Tax the rich and give the money to poor people like me!” I could have easily torn apart.
“Um, son, you’ve done so poorly in managing the little money you do have. How will giving you more of what you’re so bad at managing help you? You think income distribution is unfair? Can you name one god damned thing in this world that is fair? Did anyone even promise you a fair life? Fairness is a fantasy we created to make kindergarteners share their crayons. It exists nowhere in this world. George Clooney is better looking than me and that’s not fair. But you don’t hear me whining and bitching that we should cut off his nose and glue it to my face so we can be equally ugly.”
Or my favorite, “Male privilege is being able to wear the same outfit multiple times to events while girls can’t wear the same dress twice no matter how cute it is.”
“Um, honey, there isn’t a single straight man on earth that gives a flying fuck if your wear the same dress twice. The negative comments will come from other women. And their probably named Karen. In fact, all slut-shaming is done by older women, not men. If anything, men are slut-celebrating.”
But if I were to respond to the imbecile posts in my Facebook feed, I’d get locked down into an energy-draining comment war, like Karen does. I’d be pissing away time, energy, attention and even money because time is money. All for what? To dish out a valid point to a moron that doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand a valid point?
When you argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level and win by means of home-field advantage.
Instead, I decided to not care.
While on the toilet, scrolling through Facebook and seeing all this garbage, I stopped giving a shit about it while I was taking one.
I even went as far as to delete my Facebook account and never use social media again. The results in my life’s improvement were astounding.
When I got back the extra 3 hours a day, I was able to do more writing of books like this one, which lead to more income. I was able to read more books to get ideas for future books. I was able to work out more often and even more intense, because I also had an excess of energy in addition to time. I was able to spend more time researching stocks to buy, which led to more money. I was even able to get better at dancing, which led to more sex in my life.
At that point, I learned a vital lesson: if it doesn’t make money, nor make me happy, then it doesn’t warrant caring about it. Those are the only things that you should care about. And when faced with a temptation to spill out your time, energy, attention or money (TEAM) to care about something, ask yourself in that moment: will this make me money or make me happy?
If yes, care about it. If no, run far away from it. These withdrawals from worthless pursuits will push you closer to more worthwhile ones.
The world will present you with so many temptations to care or social imperatives to give a shit about things that have no meaning on your life at all. Things like politics, gossip, materialism and manufactured-organized outrage. Those are very general and are fired off at everyone like bullets without names on them, but rather a note that says: to whom it may concern.
It’s your choice to be concerned.
However, there are also bullets with your name on them. Things that are very personal, pissing on you by social imperative, like finding the perfect partner and ruminating about other people’s opinions of you. None of which will a moment spent worrying about will help one bit.
These worries are created by the lying industrial complex and their lies exist to make you care about shit you don’t need to so you’ll be burned out of energy and waste money on solutions to simple problems you could have fixed yourself. They’d rather you elect politicians to solve problems and supposedly make your life easier, even while you have the power to do so yourself all along.
And yes, this push to make you care about stupid shit is an industry. We live in an economy where businesses pretend to care about social issues to make money off of those that pretend to care about social issues.
Further, these lies will have you putting pressure on others to be more than they can be so you can have an easier life. The ultimate narcissism and characteristic of Karen: the belief that the world must bend to your will and do as you please despite no offering of equal value by you in return. It should be your way just because it’s yours.
The Goth kids in South Park asked “What’s the point of caring if all it brings is pain?” But the correct question to ask is, “What will it cost me when I start caring about this?” Our culture promotes suffering as though there is nobility in it. Which is entirely ridiculous horse shit made to benefit the power-brokers of such culture.
Happiness comes from a handful of elements. One of them is having an excess of free time, or even just time. After all, you were happier as a kid than you are as an adult, because you had a whole life ahead of you with a limited understanding of time. Giving a shit takes time away, therefore it is a threat to your happiness.
Another component to happiness is money. Despite the popular bullshit in our collective culture, happiness can be bought. Because if you’re rich enough to not need to work, a great source of misery for most people is now gone from your life. But giving a shit can often cost money. Therefore, it is a threat to your happiness.
It also takes energy to be happy. The high spirits that the joyful exhibit are not purely from the adrenaline resulting from life going so hunky-dory. As the majority of all human thoughts are negative by nature, it takes work to override them with optimism, positivity and personal joy. But when you give a shit about so much else, you are low on energy. Therefore, it is a threat to your happiness and your success-potential, because energy is required to do what’s needed to be successful.
To be successful, you need to direct your attention to the right places. In fact, billionaire Warren Buffet says that success is determined by what you say “no” to, what you refuse to waste your time and attention on. But when you give a shit too easily, you waste your attention. Therefore it is a threat to your success.
Further, anything that is a threat to your happiness is also a threat to your success, because happy people are more successful. Happiness is an advantage in life. Consequently, anything that is a threat to your success is also a threat to your happiness, because success is certainly an inspiration to be happy.
And if giving a shit is a threat to both, is it possible that not giving a shit is a step toward both?
The answer is an overwhelming yes.
The secret to a better, happier and more successful life is not having more things to care about, but less.
Caring about something carries a cost with it. After all, the words care and carry have the same root because their meaning is similar. That’s why you must ask, “What is the cost of caring about this?”
For every pleasurable experience, there is a cost that is painful. It’s not always 100% equal, but it is within the same ballpark. A fun vacation to Hawaii is not cheap. While the experience is very pleasurable, there were weeks of hard work spent to earn the money to pay for it. While sex with a hot babe is very pleasurable, there were hours of effort spent charming her with allure. While money itself can buy so many pleasurable options, at least an hour of unenjoyable work must be done to get it.
This does not mean that your happiness and misery in life will always be equally balanced, or close to it. Pleasure is only one kind of happiness, which comes from the external world. But joy is a different kind as it comes from within. Your pleasure is limited only to the amount of pain you endure. But your joy is unlimited, or only limited to the extent you limit it to.
The problem is that we ask all the wrong questions in the pursuit of happiness by pleasure. Quite often, people only think of what pleasures they wish to pursue, forgetting that a nearly equal amount of pain must be put in first. They think only about the fun parts of raising a child while forgetting about the awful parts like the kid screaming, shitting, breaking things and racking up expenses. One should have asked themselves beforehand if the fun parts of raising a kid were worth enduring those pains.
The wedding day and night may be the happiest time in a man’s life because he gets a ton of positive attention throughout the day. His wife, for once, is pleasant both to be around and look at on that day. And he likely is going to have some hot sex that night. But from then on, life will be all downhill as he becomes the recipient of negative attention, blame and scorn. His wife deteriorates in appearance and personality, no longer pleasant to look at nor be around. And sex is a thing of the past.
One must ask if getting married is worth enduring all these pains beforehand.
An overseas trip is a lot of fun. The plane-ride over there is not. Is it worth it?
Instead of asking what pleasures we want to experience, we should ask what pains are we willing to endure? And while enduring such pain, can we maintain our joy? If we give a shit, will the shit provide a return? Will the pain one day produce pleasure?
Sometimes it does, as shit can be a fertilizer for plants and crops. But most times it does not. It only sits around stinking and is good for nothing other than to be flushed away.
Turn the page and prepare yourself to flush so much worthless shit away from your life forever. Then, prepare to succeed from your shitlessness.
Many males will waste countless resources to find the “Right Woman”. There is no “right one”. There are many good ones and bad ones. There are even average ones. But there is no “right one” or “perfect one”. Continuing to chase after this figment of your idealization will have you spend the rest of your life deeply disappointed and easily exploited.
If there is one thing that males care far too much about, it is this: finding the perfect woman to marry. While they strive for liberty in all aspects of their lives like social freedom, financial independence, and work-life balance, they ironically seem to be so willing to give up their sexual freedom to monogamy with a woman. So willing that they actively search for this and make their efforts well-advertised.
For good reason, they do this. Society makes you feel like you are not in good standing unless you are paired with a woman. Notice how we don’t trust men with children in today’s world? If you see a random guy by himself talking to a child, you suspect something bad. But if he has a woman with him, then it’s perfectly all right. At all the adult resorts and clubs I’ve been to, women and couples get in at reasonable prices but single guys pay 3x as much for entry.
Further, an unquenchable thirst for sex demands you do this as well. Your need for a woman comes from both the external world and your internal self. But is it worth all the trouble, energy, effort and expense that most males are willing to put into it?
As most guys that are married or in a long-term relationship will tell you, a woman is the one investment that never gives back to you what you put in. It fails across the board in a cost-benefit analysis. Many guys are caring way too much about getting something that doesn’t really make them happy all because society commands them to. And while their sex drive commands it of them as well, even as they enjoy the sex they have, they come to realize that sex is only great in the moment and does little for long-lasting satisfaction.
One of the first rules I bring up to my clients when coaching is “Don’t care so much about getting the woman. Care about getting better with women in general.” This is to prevent them from being outcome-driven in their interactions and develop the dreaded disease of One-itis. Still, males will infect themselves with One-itis so easily and even willfully. They want to find their “one” woman.
But what will they do with that “one” woman? Marry her? My question to you then is why is it important for you to get married? It’s nothing but a bad deal for men. I would tell you not to seek nor promise monogamy to a woman at all. Humans are just not made for monogamy.
Ever wonder why you find the idea of sleeping with your mother or your sister disgusting? Even if your sister were Kate Upton, you’d be grossed out at the idea of tongue-kissing her. Know why?
During the caveman days, nature did not want you sleeping with your mother or sister. That was bad for the gene pool and would produce terribly flawed offspring. So, it had to compel you to want sex with other women. That’s why you get bored sexually with a woman you are monogamous with. This is often why sex declines in marriages as time goes on. And it’s definitely why cohabitating couples often end up breaking up.
The course of nature is to discourage monogamous behavior. So why try to fight it?
Not only that, but when you are around a woman too much, your testosterone declines. If you get married to, cohabitate with, or just see the same woman over and over again, you will lose testosterone. After the birth of your child, it could decline as much as 30%. This is nature’s way of making sure you are not running around looking for women to bang. It’s how it keeps you in the house and doing your job as a dutiful husband.
So what’s wrong with that? Lower testosterone leads to a low sex drive, which is part of why sex declines as time goes on in the marriage or monogamous relationship. It can also lead to loss of muscle mass, strength, bone density and red blood cell production. All these things can lead to deteriorated health and some even to an early death. All things being equal, without the decline in testosterone, you would have naturally lived an otherwise long and healthy life.
But did you know that talking to a new, beautiful woman increases your testosterone? So does talking to a new, younger woman. It’s clear that this is what nature wants you to do, since you become healthier as you do it.
Why go against the course of nature?
The Taoist philosophy is to not resist the current of the river but go along with it. For more pain is caused by trying to resist the course of nature than by accepting it. Even when the course of nature is difficult and unpleasant. In fact, the experiences that will benefit you the most are the ones that are the most unpleasant to experience.
It was never in your nature to be monogamous, yet you feel so strongly compelled that you must be, as the social imperatives command you to be. And that’s what pushes you to give so much of a shit about finding the “right one” when there is no “right one”. You care so much about winning a life-or-death game that you shouldn’t even play because it’s so dangerous, you can lose your life even if you win it.
Humans have tried to outsmart nature by establishing and enforcing the idea and institution of marriage. But their attempts have failed across the board as evidenced by the 50% failure rate of marriages. Let’s also not forget that the other 50% that do not get divorced are often equally miserable, being stuck with someone they are no longer attracted to nor enjoy spending time with.
They try to condition males against their nature by force-feeding them various myths, like that they have a “soul mate” out there waiting for them to find them. And this soul mate is their perfect lover in every way. Once they get married to them, everything will be perfect and go smoothly. No one knows nor explains how. They say it just does.
They feed males the myth that if they don’t marry, they’ll become a lonely, miserable old creep that no one wants anything to do with. And they’ll sit on the bench at the park, watching other guys out with their families experiencing happiness they could never know. Worst of all, they’ll die alone in pain (even though that’s really how everyone goes anyway).
They try to get males to buy into this social imperative as early as possible. Particularly when the young man is involved in organized religion, where marriage is encouraged at early ages. This is because the younger a guy is, the less likely he is to realize that his sex appeal only rises with age. If he’s married before he can discover the magnitude of his options, he’s more likely to sign up for and stay within the confines of a mediocre marriage.
The pursuit of the “perfect one” is wasted energy because even if you find her, you’ll get far more than you asked for. The risk is you get locked up with a woman you can’t be certain is what you hope she’ll be, but you’ll be expected to still carry all the responsibilities and liabilities of a pair-bond while having no authority over that bond thanks to the Fempowerment Mandate.
In today’s marriages, the husband has 100% responsibility, but 0% authority. If you don’t like it when she denies you sex, you’re just an immature pervert that needs to grow up. If she doesn’t like it when you deny her free attention and supplication, you’re not a real man living up to your obligations. The trade is never fair.
Men being more rational and deductive problem-solvers are likely to realize this imbalance. That is why the social imperatives like, “You must find your soul mate!” and “You don’t want to die a lonely, old man!” were created. They are an attempt to override your reason with emotion.
These imperatives lead a guy down the dreaded path of One-its, which is a threat to you as a man physically, emotionally, financially, and socially. One-itis will put you at the mercy of hypergamy. When the thoughts arise in your mind like, “I can’t live without her!” you are now at her mercy.
But even if you haven’t yet found a woman to feel that way about, you can still fall victim to this. When you hear a guy say he’s “holding out for a ‘Quality’ woman,” often he’s only replaced his One-itis from a real-life woman to one he fantasizes about in his head. Much like a long-distance relationship, where most of the time is spent idealizing about what the relationship could and should be like, he rarely gets to experience the happiness that relationships with women can provide. Only daydream about it.
The One-itis he has is no different from having an imaginary friend.
This isn’t to advocate the MGTOW path. This isn’t to say suppress your sex drive. Instead, when everything within you is screaming that you “MUST have” a woman, ask yourself “Why?” Ask what long-term happiness it will really bring you. If you’re over 30 and have been in relationships before, you know the limitations on happiness provision in relationships.
Finally, if you are under 30, there is no good reason for you to seek or be in a serious, long-term relationship right now. If you are in one, really examine how much benefit it’s providing for you as honestly as you can. More than likely, it’s holding you back from accomplishing so much. If you are seeking one, you are best served to stop right now because this will be the hardest time in your life to present yourself as appealing to a woman.
Males just take longer to mature and make something of themselves. Most women will not consider nor take you seriously when you’re young. Age 18 to 30, you find yourself taking so many hits and losses when it comes to dating. But once you turn 30, something truly magical happens. Suddenly, women that used to ignore you now start to notice you. Even chase you.
From age 30 to 40 is when males reach their peak sex appeal to women. This is when they have more dating options than they’ve ever had before. This is when women will even accept being one of your many girlfriends. They’d rather share a quality man than have a dedicated simp. They’ll do everything short of killing each other to be with you. So don’t piss away you energy and efforts by being on the prowl for them earlier. Or for most guys, the desperate “soul mate” search.
Being offended causes an unnecessary outpour on your part. If we must take down religious symbols because they offend atheists, does that also mean clothes must be removed because they offend nudists? The slippery slope toward the spread of stupidity doesn’t take much imagination. Eventually, we’ll get to a point where the act of speaking itself will be illegal.
The next thing to stop giving a shit about is anything and everything that offends you. The fact of the matter is that you choose to allow these things to have the power to offend you, which is an expense of your limited energy or daily Mortal Kombat life-bar.
2020 saw some of the greatest displays of idiocy when it comes to being offended, or rather choosing to feel offended. Tantamount to them all was when the NFL team formerly known as the Washington Redskins were forced to change their name to just “the Washington Football Team” (swear to God, I’m not making that up, that’s what they’re really called), because some people chose to be offended by the name Redskins.
Who though? Native Americans?
Contrary to what you might have guessed, Native Americans are not at all offended by the name Redskins. As evidenced by the fact that Native American schools with Native American students across the country choose to use the mascot name “Redskins” for their high school football teams lead by Native American coaches and principals.
If they were at all offended by it, why do they do it to themselves? They’re not offended.
Let’s not forget that the name was originally given to the NFL team to honor its former coach who was part Sioux.
Who was offended? White people. When you look at who bitched the loudest about the name, it was never a Native American. It was some white douchebag that claimed to speak for Native Americans by virtue of being a “liberal progressive”. These same white douchebags haven’t said a word about the name Oklahoma, demanding the state change its name, despite the fact that it’s Choctaw for “Red People”.
But here’s the real kicker: these white people are choosing to be offended.
Offense is taken. It cannot be given. Whenever you don’t like something, you say, “I take offense to that.” You never say, “You give me offense with that.”
Even if Native Americans were complaining about the name Redskins and said they were offended, it would still be by their own choice. They may say the mascot is cultural appropriation. But I can say that about anything.
For example, even an innocent movie like The Nightmare Before Christmas (and I refuse to call it “Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas because Tim Burton did not write it nor direct it) contains offensive, cultural appropriation. For many American families, Christmas is a very time-honored, cultural tradition they put on each year. Now here comes some privileged, pale, white guy that bitches about working only one day a year mocking the tradition to mimic it. If anything, Jack Skellington was committing cultural appropriation.
But do you hear anyone bitching about that? A movie like this brought peace and common ground to two widely different types of people. Halloween lovers and Christmas lovers often have little in common. Now this movie serves as a treaty between the two holidays that only exist to bring joy to children, perhaps the purest reason for existence ever. Yet some people still bitch about even this movie.
Just like the douchebag Christian that scolds poor trick-or-treating kids on their doorstep, telling them that they’re not giving out candy because Halloween “celebrates the devil”, some people find it more important to have their opinions not only heard but also imposed upon others rather than let little kids have their fifteen minutes of joy before they become adults.
We can’t say “Merry Christmas” anymore because it offends Jews and Muslims. Next, we won’t be able to say “Happy Holidays,” because that will offend atheists who don’t believe any days, or anything for that matter, is Holy. We won’t even be able to say “Happy day” because that would be non-exclusive to sad people or night people. So eventually, we won’t be able to say anything.
This is already true when it comes to comedians. They’re barely permitted to be comedians anymore. Just ask Kevin Hart, who was denied the opportunity to host the Oscars in 2018 because he had tweets back in 2010 that a few gays and lesbians chose to be offended by.
Who’s the bigger loser though? Hart for not getting to host an awards show that no one watches or the pitiful, pathetic fuck that had enough time and nothing else better to do than to go through 9 years of Kevin Hart’s Twitter stream in search of something to choose to be offended by?
Being offended is a choice. The pain you feel from a punch or injury is involuntary because physical damage is done to the body. But the pain from an insult results in no physical damage. An insult is comprised of words and words are nothing more than sequences of sound waves. They only have the meaning and the power you give them.
My mother told me not to say the word “bitch”. Being a kid, I asked why. She said because “it’s offensive.” To which I replied, “But it’s just a sound.”
“And it’s a sound you should never say,” she responded. I wish I had the knowledge and smart-ass bravery back then to say, “Ok, but what do I do when I have to say the word ‘Obituary’? Am I supposed to say ‘O-female-dog-uary’?
Words only have the meaning and power you choose to give them. If they ever have the power to offend you, remember it was you that chose to give them that power. And that’s very telling about the kind of person you are if you are one that chooses to be offended by sequences of sound waves.
But many of the whiners and bitches that claim they are so deeply offended by things aren’t necessarily making their displeasure known because their feelings are legitimately hurt. They are complaining because they have a need to have their complaints heard. Some people actually get orgasmic pleasure from indignation.
But having your complaint heard is another thing to stop giving a shit about. Even when it’s heard, no one else cares about it.
“What about when there are legitimate assholes, racists, sexists and douchebags out there? Shouldn’t we complain about them so that other people are forewarned about them?”
However, everyone already knows they exist. Anyone that has gone through high school has learned this lesson the hard way: that there are people who will not like you for no reason at all. Shit, there are people who will even hate you just because of your race, religion, politics, opinions, gender and even age.
You being offended does absolutely nothing to help the world. These people that get sexual pleasure from indignation mistake it for taking meaningful action. They believe that their choice to be offended makes them more empathetic, when really it just makes them more pathetic.
Much like how we are the masters at complicating our lives and justifying why we do it, this is nothing more than complicating our emotions by being offended and then attempting to justify taking that offense.
I get pretty angry about simps and their simping behavior but ut me giving them the dirty looks when they simp, white-knight and worship women will do nothing to improve the situation. You can’t shame a simp out of being a simp because in order to be a simp you must not have any shame about the stench of your thirst and your lack of sexual intelligence.
As much as it injures me, I don’t get offended by them. The world itself is nothing but a simp-factory anyway, so getting offended by something that is not ever going away is to burn up useful energy over something I can do nothing about.
Similarly, indignation does nothing to make the world better. It only raises your blood pressure.
Much like the loser that had the time to go through Kevin Hart’s tweet history, many people actively look for things to be offended by. And when you look for something, you are likely to find it. “Seek, and ye will find,” the Bible says. But what if we looked for a way to not be offended by something? Is that possible? And if so, does that make things better?
The answer is a resounding yes to both.
What offends you? A jerk that doesn’t clean up after his dog who took a shit on your lawn? A slow, old fart driver in the fast lane? Or a simp trying to win over your girlfriend by white-knighting?
You could look at the asshole with the dog as doing you a service, fertilizing your grass to make it grow. The old fart driving slow reminds us not to be in such a hurry and stop rushing to where we cut corners and make unsafe gambles like running red lights. And the simp is actually doing you a great service in making you look more attractive because women are horrifically repulsed by white knight simps. The next time she sees you after getting away from the simp, she’ll be begging to bang you because you’re so much more arousing to her after experiencing that horrendous turn-off.
Even the assholes of the world are people we should be thankful for. Yes, even the ones that are rude to wait-staff and service workers, because they are amazing teachers. They teach you how you should never act. And you’ll become so much more likable and celebrated by others just from being nothing like the asshole you witnessed.
Less energy is expended with this “glass is half-full” mentality, as opposed to the victimhood mindset that drains so much energy.
Seneca once wrote, “You are expressing a wish that the whole human race were inoffensive, which may hardly be; moreover, those who would gain by such wrongs not being done are those would do them, not he who could not suffer from them even if they were done.”
This means that the people who would act like assholes would get the most benefit from a world without asshole behavior. That also means they are digging their own graves by being assholes.
The stoic wisdom concerning offensive assholes was, “Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed, and you haven’t been.” If you don’t feel pissed on by the unflattering remarks of others directed at you, have you been pissed on at all? When you do not find yourself able to identify with the image of you that another person has of you, do their words mean a damn thing?
It is your choice whose opinions matter more: your opinion of yourself or someone else’s opinion of you.
The best course of action over choosing to be offended is to choose to give people the room to be themselves. Most people do not want to be viewed as assholes. Sometimes they’re inconsiderate, annoying, selfish and impatient. But haven’t you been all of those at some point? What makes a person qualify for being considered offensive is that they don’t live up to your expectations. Do you really have to have those expectations met? Or have them at all?
Many times in my life, I was annoying, selfish, arrogant, impatient and immature. But I grew out of it and became better. I only needed the room to grow and to do it my own way on my own time. To give people the room to be themselves is to give them the room to grow. And the more room you give them, the more they will give you.
Instead of choosing to be offended by people, opinions, actions or words, choose to be amused by them.
The pursuit of impressing others isn’t worth a shit. Too many people believe that the point of life is to be superior to others. Because of such people, whole industries exist to capitalize on this belief. It’s a very profitable business to be in as well, because this competition is one that never ends and even if you do win, you still aren’t satisfied.
Originally, this chapter was going to focus entirely on materialism. But the root of materialism is really an urge to impress other people. Back in high school, I didn’t really care about having cool shoes like Nike or Adidas. I was content with the Wal-Mart brand shoes I had. But the other kids in high school kept making fun of me until I upgraded my footwear.
I tried to put up with their insults indefinitely. But deep down, the peer pressure was beginning to bother me because one of the worst things for a kid to feel is unaccepted. I had hoped that they would find another kid to pick on or something else to make fun of, like it was all a fad. The final nerve was struck when the girl I liked back then thought I was a loser for the shoes I wore. In my high school days, I was very ignorant about the male/female relationship and thought girls’ opinions really mattered.
So I caved and bought better shoes. But I didn’t really want them. I only wanted the feelings associated with being approved of by the cool kids. And that’s largely true of all material possessions today and countless things we waste good money on. Things like the latest iPhone (which costs you more in wasted time), Tesla (which isn’t even good for the environment), expensive vacations to Europe (that’s not at all what it’s cracked up to be), and the largest McMansion (with rooms you never use but still have to pay for).
Perhaps the greatest culprit to perpetuating this pissing contest is the poison of social media. Every one of my books eschews it for a reason. Every post you scroll past is carefully curated from another person’s life with the subtext of saying, “Fuck you! Look how much more awesome my life is compared to yours!” Too much exposure to this contagious poison will have you becoming just as douchey.
You know that girl that constantly posts poolside pictures of herself on Instagram with the caption “My Monday”? The one that doesn’t have a job but somehow is always on vacation? Her post is really saying, “Oh fuck you there, loser! You’re at work. I don’t have to be at work today, cause I’m like so awesome!” Why expose yourself to that when all it will do is make you feel inadequate?
I had once thought that with minimalism on the rise, materialism was on the decline. But it’s not. I know because the most profitable stocks I’ve ever owned were self-storage facility companies. In the era of one-click purchases, people have way too much shit. Further, minimalism to most millennials just meant living in a tiny house, which meant they needed two storage units instead of one to store all their shit. And the only reason they got a tiny house was because it was a “cool” trend that would get them accepted by others.
So here we are again, attempting to impress others. Wasting money along the way. Giving a shit about something needlessly.
The number one addiction is approval from other people. It only exists when you don’t approve of yourself.
But an even larger problem on the horizon is a crisis soon to come caused by all this “Keeping up with the Jones’.” You think Social Security (which isn’t enough to be social nor secure) is a ticking timebomb of a future disaster, something far worse that that is coming. When Generation X and the Millennials reach retirement age, there could be massive homelessness and starvation from the foolish decisions made by these generations.
Look at their retirement savings, if they have any at all.
Average household retirement savings: $30,170
Ages 35 to 44
Average household retirement savings: $131,950
Ages 45 to 54
Average household retirement savings: $254,720
With numbers like these, they will run out of money 2 or 3 years into retirement. The sad thing is that they are perfectly capable of preventing this disaster from occurring. But they refuse to. They believe that social security will be a meaningful supplement (they’re in for a big surprise on that one). They think that their investments in their 401ks will keep going up (despite how overvalued they already are).
They probably listened to the advice of guys like John Bogle, Burton Malkiel and even Warren Buffet to buy an index fund (even though Mr. Buffet himself does not own one). They heard and recite the same dogma of the indexing religion that index funds always outperform. So because their retirement savings is invested in one, they’re getting the best return on their money that they possibly could get at the lowest cost as well. So they think.
In order for this to work out, the stocks in the index have to keep going up. And if that index is the S&P 500, your stocks are already grossly over-valued. Companies like Amazon, Apple, Google, Microsoft and Facebook are selling at prices that are 200 times their gross revenues. If you bought Apple, not just a share of its stock but the entire company, it would take you 200 years to make back what you paid to buy it. That’s before interest, taxes, administrative and operating expenses.
How exactly is this going to work out for you when you just own the stock? What needs to happen is that it needs to keep going up. How likely is it for the price to continue rising when there is so little to justify the price it’s at now?
The point is that what people think will help them stay afloat in retirement will not. But the main thing that would help them not only survive but would even help them do so well they could retire early is something we used to do so easily: do without.
Because people have become so undisciplined with their saving and spending, they will likely end up on the streets a few years after they stop working or never stop working at all. They feel they absolutely must have the sexiest smart phone. They’ve got to take the family on a fancy Hawaii vacation. They need a brand, new Tesla every 2 years. They can’t live without a McMansion that’s bigger than their brother-in-law’s.
And what’s really driving all these asinine purchases isn’t a genuine desire to have these things. Like stated earlier, Tesla cars aren’t even good for the environment. What compels people to piss away money on these things is to keep up with others and impress others. They see what other people have on their Facebook feeds and think to themselves, “I should have that too.”
Instead of saving their money for their futures, they justify to themselves, “I make money to provide things for myself that make me happy. Why can’t I have that happiness now? Why must I delay that happiness until retirement or some other future date?”
Because of the pain/pleasure principle. Any pleasure you have now will have to be paid for by pain later. Likewise, any pain accepted now will compensated by pleasure in the future. But something magical happens to that future pleasure or pain. The more it’s delayed, the greater it becomes. Specifically with money, the longer it’s saved, the more it compounds. And compounded growth is what turns savers into millionaires.
Similarly, deferred pain also compounds and becomes far more threatening and disrupting than it would have been if taken on earlier. Like ripping a band-aid off right away instead of trying to slowly peel it off. We’ve all experienced this one in high school as well. When you put off studying for a test longer, it is more agonizing when you finally do study with a shorter window of time to develop retention between then and the actual test. The test is more painful as well.
There is no worse time to be poor than in old age. I remember being poor when I was 18 and could easily handle that again. When I couldn’t afford to put gas in my car and drive out to the beach, that was nothing compared to not being able to afford to see a dentist when I had immense tooth aches. Imagine how much worse it would be to be poor when you’re old and your health is deteriorating. When even continence is failing to function properly. You’ll be damn glad you saved money then.
Acquiring possessions and doing things to impress others leads only to having pleasure now to be paid for with compounded pain later. Just as bad as the greater pain coming in the future though is the pitifully small and fleeting satisfaction that you experience right now. Really, when you seek to impress someone else, it’s often someone you don’t even like. And there’s also a good chance they don’t even like you either. So what good really comes of it?
Giving this other person you hope to “one-up” the figurative middle finger by doing or having something better than them gives you a high that flees faster than the dopamine of a cigarette, a snickerdoodle cookie or a 5 second orgasm. You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, then you wake up the next morning and go to fucking work.
The other person you’re trying to impress never actually says, “You know what? Wow! You really did it this time. I’ve got to say, I didn’t think you could do it, but you did. You’ve impressed me. I’m so in awe of you. I wish I could be as cool as I think you are right now. But I have no choice other than to admit inferiority to you in this moment.”
Even if they did that, for how long would that make you happy?
Probably 5 seconds. But consider the hours of effort and hundreds of dollars spend, is that even a proportionate return on investment?
What about posting a picture of you doing or being something impressive on Facebook? At best, you’ll get a few likes from it, maybe even a few comments. You have to realize, unless you’re a chick showing off your ass, people aren’t going to worship you just for existing the way that simps worship e-thots online. And any recognition you get from others on social media is extremely shallow because the nature of social media relationships is shallow.
My last day of using Facebook, I went through my friends list and as I did, I could hear so many of them say the following: “I just wanted to let you know, if you’re feeling down and need someone, I’ll always be here for you…. only on Facebook though. Don’t call me or come to my house with that shit.”
If you posted a status update that was a live video stream of you dying on the sidewalk, do you really think anyone of your friends that you know only through Facebook would stop scrolling and lift a finger to help you?
Honestly, you’re better off without social media all around. In my experience, anyway, nothing good comes from it. I deleted my accounts after becoming thoroughly annoyed with seeing people post stuff about “white privilege” and “male privilege”. I wonder where those privileges were for me when I had to sleep in a storage unit for 6 months.
Did my white skin and Y chromosomes give me any advantage in life? Well there is one I can think of. Being a heterosexual, white male makes you a punching bag on Facebook. This is not me complaining, “oh poor me, I have it so hard.” But scrolling through the feed, I read that apparently I’m a racist, a sexist, privileged oppressor, undeserving of all I’ve earned and I want to keep women, blacks, gays and trans people down in the shitter of squalor.
Not being able to take the constant barrage of bullshit thrown at me, I gave up Facebook. I deleted the app and replaced it with Kindle. From then on, I spent my time on the toilet reading everything from Benjamin Graham to Cal Newport. As a result, I became more knowledgeable and effective at life, thus I moved up in the world faster. My career took off, investments skyrocketed and my business became a roaring success.
So thank you to everyone on Facebook who regularly shits on straight, white males. I couldn’t have done it without you.
But what I really got from leaving social media was freedom.
I promote the idea of pursuing “Fuck You” money and most people claim to want it. But it’s not really the money they want. What they really want is the shit they can buy with it. And it isn’t really the shit they want, but what the shit can do for them: impress others. But money gives you something that no possession nor other person’s approval can: freedom.
Just like the showing off in high school, what good does it really do for you? What benefit did that ever provide when you had the same shoes as the cool kids? Did it get you in with the cool kids? No, they probably ended up hating you more. Because they never really wanted you to be one of them nor did they ever even care about the shoes.
They just wanted to pick on your for not having something so they could feel better about themselves. In seeing someone else have less or supposedly be lesser, they felt better. It was also validating for them to see you go out of your way to acquire something you didn’t want before to win their approval. But just like how a hot girl loathes a simp that tries to impress her, these cool kids end up hating you more than they did before you cared about impressing them.
So too did your lesser friends that you left behind while embarking on your quest to become a cool kid.
Stop giving a shit about impressing other people. It only costs you and it doesn’t even work. It has the same effect as trying to impress a woman. All it does is tell her that you’re thirsty, desperate and pathetic. People can sense when you’re trying too hard to appear better than those whom you hold yourself in comparison to. There’s a reason why no one likes a “one-upper”.
The Toaist belief is that everything is a temporary loan. We can’t take it with us, but somehow allow it to stress us out while we have it. The more things you own, the more things you have to take care of and maintain. You think the guy with a garage full of hot cars is happy? He’s not. He’s constantly running around, keeping up with them and getting maintenance done on them. He may have once loved cars but now has grown to hate them because cars and possessions can be just as needy as people.
But the less you own, the less you have to worry about losing. The guy that has a garage full of cars has to insure them, lock them up or put anti-theft devices on them, and maintain them. All these things will chip away at his time, energy, attention, and money. The sad thing is that he probably only got them to impress someone. Or prove something to someone.
The desire to prove something to others requires that these others actually care. And they don’t.
Mate-guarding and sexual jealousy are not only draining of your internal resources; they are also a huge turn-off to the women you’d guard. It’s something her father did to her when she was a teenager resulting in her hating him. Why would you want to recreate that dynamic now with her?
One day in Cocoa Beach, I was very close to closing the deal with one particular pretty whom I met randomly that day. While I was out in the ocean swimming in the waves, she popped up next to me. As we were out there, we were chatting up and got a good conversation going. This looked like a rare, positive event that resulted from randomness. But one giant douchebag didn’t see it that way.
Back on the beach, a group of guys surrounded one really pissed-off-looking guy, all of whom were watching me and the pretty young thing. We were on our way out of the water and back to my beach towel so I could get her number, but one of the guys from the gang came in to pull the old cock-block. Turns out, the super-angry-looking guy was the girl’s boyfriend, that she clearly wasn’t happy with. And pissy boy sent one of his friends to cock-block me from her.
As you may have guessed, I never got her number. But I did get a middle-finger and a “fuck you” look from the pissy boyfriend. He clearly has a need for strong mate-guarding skills, because it was all too easy for me to get his girlfriend to flirt with me.
On the drive back with my friend accompanying me to the beach that day, I remember saying, “What a douchebag.” And he replied, “Well, of course. You were going after his girl. And knowing you, you are an actual threat to him because you could have stolen her.”
“That’s so funny to me, because he doesn’t own her. But if say I were to pet his dog and give it a treat, his dog would probably like me more in that moment. But he wouldn’t get his panties in a wad over that. Despite the fact that he actually does own his dog.”
“Girlfriends are something different,” my friend replied.
That was an honest question from me. After my red pill awakening, I had learned to view all women in my romantic life as replaceable accessories. That may sound cold and disrespectful, but I don’t see that way. I think you are far more loving and respectful of a woman when you don’t forcefully impose a bond on her to you with an invisible chain. It is more complimenting of her to allow her the freedom to be with anyone she wants and more complimenting of you when she’s with you by her own volition rather than obligation.
If my girlfriend didn’t think I was the best she could do, then I don’t want anything to do with her. If she feels she’s settling with me, then I know bitchy behavior and pointless drama will be dropped on me by her. So I never mate-guard or get jealous. But it also comes from having such a deep understanding of women and how they work, as taught by my red pill awakening, that if she chose to bail out on me, I could replace her shortly after.
Further, in my early days of being on the prowl after the awakening, when I was developing my own skillset in the craft of allurement; I saw many “taken”, “engaged” and even “married” women fall for my allure. Of course, no guy would want to learn by surprise that what he thought was securely his could be easily taken from him, but if that’s ever the case, wouldn’t he like to find out?
Is it not a service to your fellow man to show him that the woman he supplicates to and loves unquestionably does not reciprocate the same love and loyalty to him? It may make you angry at first, but considering the intensity of her betrayal, why on earth would you want to cling to her and keep the alluring thief away? If your mate is so easily made into a turncoat, is she really worth mate-guarding?
It would be like George Washington’s Continental Army still protecting and clinging to Benedict Arnold after his betrayal. Or Morpheus trying to rekindle his relationship with Cypher after his treachery. Or the United States government paying billions of dollars to an enemy in exchange for a deserting soldier they captured.
You’d think they wouldn’t give a sliver of a shit about these traitors. But they do. And the reason they do originates from many deep sources.
Sexual jealousy and mate-guarding motives come from:
-Outdated biological hardwiring
-A scarcity mindset
-The blue pill conditioning
Starting with outdated biological hardwiring, this one goes all the way back to the Neolithic Age, better known as the Stone Age. In them days, you would only survive if you were part of a small group, a tribe. Cooperation and coordination were some of the few things that kept the primitive-minded humans alive back then in the hunter-gatherer days. Likely, that tribe was made up of 30 humans. How many women do you think existed in the group?
In that tribe, half of the members might have been female. So there’s 15. Among those 15, a third may have been too old to help you with your sex drive and another third would have been too young to help with it. Among the remaining 5, all but one were already taken. The Neolithic caveman version of you in this example was legitimately low on options. So back then, males learned to mate-guard because the one mate they did get was likely the only option they had to help them with their reproductive problem.
When you feel the urge to guard your woman, or cockblock for a woman that isn’t even yours, this is your inner caveman taking over. Can you really think of any action driven by your inner caveman that is beneficial for you? He’s unmannered, rude, thoughtless, easily provoked, and the king of simps, albeit primitive simps. Let him take the wheel that drives your mind and behaviors and you’ll soon regret it.
But the inner caveman cockblocking received reinforcement in the agricultural age. While mate-guarding was spawn during hunter-gatherer times, sexual jealousy came to be when humans began to rely on the farm for food. With farming being the source of survival, it was in your best interest to get married so you could have kids, because kids would be a great help around the farm.
During those days, a man needed to have paternity certainty. If it were found out that what he thought was one of his kids was really another man’s, that meant he had one less helping hand on the farm. Which also meant less chance of survival, or at least less chance of thriving.
Having kids was great advice back in the 19 th century. It’s horrible advice now. Since you don’t have to plow the field for food, you don’t need paternity certainty, nor do you need the sexual jealousy that was inspired by it.
Guarding your mate was a good idea back in the Stone Age. It’s unnecessary now. Women are not scarce. But your time is. Do you want another second of it wasted with a woman that was so easily seduced away from you?
The scarcity mindset has you believing that a girlfriend is not easy to get. So you feel you better hang on to the one you have with all your might. It’s likely there was a lot of rejection before you found one that humored you with a relationship. And that taught you that you must cling to her and guard her love for you with your life.
But a quick trip to a college campus, shopping mall, yoga studio, dance ballroom or a beach will show you otherwise. Often, in these places, women will outnumber men at least 2 to 1, as most males are content to stay indoors, playing videogames and looking at porn.
Since males learned they could provide for themselves what they originally wanted with women, many of them have checked out of the scene. That’s part of why pornography offends some women so much. It has robbed them of their number one bargaining chip to get males to grant their wishes and bend to their will.
Unless you live in a small town in the middle of the sticks, you are surrounded by women that are likely dissatisfied with the number and quality of their dating options. And if you live in such a small town, you can always move out of it, if you really want to.
However, the Fempowerment Mandate noticed that there was no longer a legitimate need for the mate-guarding of the Neoliths nor the jealousy of the farmer boys. Before males collectively realized that and abandoned their inaccurate scarcity beliefs, a new spell was cast on them: the blue pill.
The blue pill is the cultural conditioning you’ve received ever since you were old enough to understand the difference between boys and girls, men and women. It was all the teaching and encouragement you received from parents, teachers, clergy, movies, music, TV, and various other media on how best to interact with females. The blue pill is largely responsible for the simp pandemic that exists today.
It is why the world is a simp factory. It conditions males to fail with women and in life by giving them the wrong beliefs about how women are and why they behave the way they do. It will have you believing that they are pure angels from Heaven that can do no wrong. Thus need to be protected by you from other males.
This practice is also known as white knighting, when a guy stands up to other males for a woman, all in hopes of improving his chances with said woman. But how this relates to sexual jealousy is that the blue pill is what encourages you to direct your anger at other guys instead of the woman that legitimately caused you to be angry.
Suppose you caught your wife or girlfriend cheating on you with another man. Who are you angry at? Him or her? Most of the time, the poor victim of infidelity says, “I’ll kill him!” directing their rage at the other guy. But what they fail to realize is that he was just doing what every guy does, and that’s get all the sex they can from anywhere they can get it. He may have not even known about the infidelity. But she knew damn well what she was doing. Yet, most males in this situation do not direct their rage at her. That is the power of the blue pill.
But all this energy and effort being burned up is a waste and one less thing you should ever give a shit about.
The only person that needs to be insecure about their mate and guard them with all their might is someone who feels they could not readily replace that mate. When you have reinvented yourself into the best version of yourself, the version that is red pill aware and knows the craft of allurement, you know that anyone who leaves you can be easily replaced. But when you are this best version of yourself, you’re also less likely to be left.
The jealousy you feel is nothing more than remnants of an obsolete function of the mind from a time when child-bearing women were scarce and this served as a survival and replication mechanism.
If a woman is so easily stolen from you, she is not a woman worth guarding.
And as far as jealousy goes, you showing jealousy only justifies them giving you a legitimate reason to be jealous. If you get angry when your girlfriend is not cheating on you, but just talking to another guy, she figures she may as well cheat on you. Because there will be no difference in the way you treat her. You’re already losing your shit now when she’s not doing anything shady. May as well have the affair and get some enjoyment out of it since you’re acting like a jerk either way.
She’s never really yours. It’s just your turn.
This isn’t as nihilist as it sounds. What’s really being said here is that everything you own isn’t really yours. It’s just here on a temporary loan. You, yourself, are not a permanent immortal being. Your existence is temporary. If you live 97 years, that’s only 35,000 days. Doesn’t sound like a lot. Do you really want to waste a single one of them distressing over something that was always temporary?
Even if you end up marrying her, the marriage is temporary too. One of you will always die before the other. But the more likely outcome is you get divorced. Or worse, stay married but fall out of love.
Humility is a key value frequently referenced by Taoism. In this case, to not give a shit about mate-guarding and jealousy is to have the humility to recognize that everything we have is not really ours, especially another human. Even everything that we are, has been given to us as a gift. Nothing belongs to us. Not even our own bodies. Like the air that fills our lungs, everything we experience is on a temporary loan to us and eventually we’ll have to give it all back.
If even the air that fills your lungs, essential to your existence, is not owned by you, how then can you act as though another person is your property?
If she wants to have an inferior man night, let her. More than likely, the next guy she sleeps with will be some thirsty simp that drools all over her like a needy puppy. She’ll gladly come crawling back to beg you for your acceptance again. Guess who has more ownership of the frame now?
Many people will proceed through life believing that if a certain politician or party is elected, their lives will improve. Believers of this ideology, or should I say idiology, worship at the altar of their favorite candidate for office like they are the promised messiah of prophecies and will save the country from the problems that prevent it from being the utopia in their head. They give too big of a shit about national politics.
They fight tooth and nail to make certain that other people think and vote the exact same way they do. If someone does not share their opinions, then that person is a threat to their existence. If you were washed up on the shore, half-alive from drowning, they would first check your voter registration card in your wallet before resuscitating you. If you disagree with them, you are their mortal enemy that must be stuffed into a re-education camp or deported to an enemy nation.
These believers exist on both sides of the political spectrum and they are both equally awful in their effect on society.
My own mother could not enjoy The Dark Knight Rises , arguably one of the best Batman movies ever, because she was too deeply obsessed about politics. If you remember, it came out in 2012, while a presidential election campaign was going on, Mitt Romney versus Barrack Obama. Mitt Romney used to run a company called Bain Capital, and the lead villain in the movie was named Bane.
My mother seriously thought that the movie was Democrat propaganda to get people to associate Mitt Romney with the evil actions of the character Bane through subtext. “In the movie, Bane attacks the stock market! That’s them suggesting that Mitt will wreck the market too!” she’d say.
Yes, mother. The hundreds of millions of dollars spent to make this movie were all for the purpose of getting a message out that could have been more efficiently spread with a $10,000 political ad. Hollywood with all its billions isn’t interested in making money, so they’ll seek to alienate half the country with the blockbuster movie event of the year.
The point is my mother couldn’t enjoy one of the best movies of the year because she saw everything through a politically bigoted lens.
My sister, on the other side, had an equally life-limiting problem. She wouldn’t date a guy that was a Republican or a conservative. She made that very clear on all her dating profiles and on first dates. A few weeks later after only getting dates with worthless simps that still lived with their parents, she complained, “Where have all the good men gone?!”
This isn’t to say that only right-wingers can be good men. But rather her intolerance of differing opinions made her someone no high-value guy would want to date. She eliminated at least 70% of potentially good suitors out there by making her politics the most important thing in her life.
Constantly posting about politics becomes your identity and then nobody wants to be around you unless they agree with you. It strips away personality and turns your friend group into pure groupthink, making society a worse place. When you adopt an ideology, you practically shut down your brain’s ability to run critical thinking. By effect, you become a disservice to your fellow man and intellectual dead weight to the world.
Giving a shit about politics this much will prevent you from being able to enjoy so many things in life, not just movies and potential dating partners. Some people can’t even be happy by seeing an elephant or a donkey because of the parties they are mascots for.
The sad but funny thing about this is that what they cared so passionately about was something that they had little to no power to influence. This isn’t to encourage a fatalist mindset and never vote. But to realize your vote is the only influence you really have. And caring beyond submitting your vote on election day is wasted energy.
For the best example of this, look at the conservative media personality Glenn Beck. In 2016, he did something he had never done before: he endorsed a candidate. That was something he had said he’d never do. But he was sold on Ted Cruz back then and campaigned hard to get him to be the Republican presidential nominee for 2016. However, he was met with failure as the primary voters wanted Donald Trump.
Now to put this into perspective, Glenn Beck has a daily 3-hour radio show, a 1-hour TV show, his own media company, influential news site, and even his own channel dedicated to spreading his views. If a man with all this power, influence and reach can’t get the person he wants to win the primary, where most of the voters are his viewers and agree with him on most issues, how in the hell can you expect to have any impact on national politics yourself with just your one vote?
Okay, so the presidential election is something that’s a little too ambitious for most of us to influence. How about something closer to home, like your congressman? Surely the representative for your district is an election you can have tremendous impact on, right?
Sadly, no. If you want to know just how powerless you really are, look up gerrymandering. In short, it’s like cheating in a race by changing where the finish line is. It allows those in power to keep it by drawing the lines for the borders of their district so they can be certain it includes people who will vote for them and exclude people who will vote against them.
All right, maybe these elections are hopeless. But what about the issues? Surely someone can have an effect on them. If you blog, podcast or change your Facebook profile picture, that will have some influence on things, right?
It does help on some social issues. If it weren’t for the widespread message of Black Lives Matter, few people would have heard about Breona Taylor. And hearing about her is the first essential step for having something get done about her unjust end. The same goes for getting creeps like Donald Sterling fired by spreading his hidden mic recording. Honestly though, he probably would have been canned even if it wasn’t spread virally.
But on major world issues like never-ending wars, illegal immigration, dependence on oil, income inequality, pollution, trade relations, abortion, a retarded tax code, term limits and terrorism, your voice doesn’t matter.
For proof of this, find yourself a political book from the 1960s or 1970s. They were complaining about all these problems back then. In over 60 years of bitching about these problems, not a single one of them has been solved. In fact, new ones keep popping up. If politicians ever do solve a problem, they do it by creating 5 new ones to take its place.
The days of citizen journalism, activism and meaningful impact are over. Sure, back in the 90’s, Matt Drudge got the ball rolling on Clinton’s sex scandal with The Drudge Report. Shit, bloggers were the ones that lead to Dan Rather having to step away from his anchor throne at CBS. After the emperor saw how it was for him to be spotted naked, he made sure to keep his clothes on at all times.
The powerful have wised up and have done all they can to keep you powerless.
This isn’t to say you should not care at all what happens to your country. This doesn’t mean your opinion doesn’t matter. What I’m saying is that you’re alive only for 35,000 days. That’s a short amount of time. The problems the country faces have been in the making for 250 years and compounded to greater magnitude in that time. You’re not alive long enough to correct all this.
The zealots will say, “But what happens if my grandchildren wake up in a dystopic hell hole and ask, ‘Why didn’t my grandparents see this coming and stop it?’” To that I say if your grandkids blame their problems and circumstances on someone who was alive decades before they were, your kids failed to raise them and that’s probably because you failed to raise your kids.
Your first priority should be to get your own house in order. If you don’t have a well-put-together life first, you need to accomplish that before spouting off on how the country should be run. If you’re thousands of dollars in debt, you’re not qualified to have an opinion on the national debt. If you have illegitimate kids you can’t afford, you have nothing to say worth a shit about income inequality because you’re causing it.
If you don’t have your own shit together, you ought to shut the fuck up about how the country needs to be run, because you clearly can’t even run your own life successfully.
Further, you are not responsible for the state of the world. There are far too many people with their own self-interests and that leads to overall randomness and chaos which renders all efforts minuscule and inadequate by comparison. If this one problem you stressed about the most ceased to exist, 10 new ones would take it’s place. “Suck” is the natural, default state of the universe.
Lastly, in addition to things you cannot affect, if something does not affect you, don’t give a shit about it. My father pissed his life away caring about shit like how many inter-racial couples there were. One time, when we were out at this fancy restaurant, he couldn’t even bring himself to enjoy the scrumptious food there because he was so distressed that a white woman would bring herself to date a black man.
Guys will bend over backwards to hide and avoid failure. More sources of wasted calories are giving too much of a shit about hiding flaws, being right, and avoiding failure at all costs. In short, perfectionism that manifests itself through procrastination, holding you back in life and stressing you out while you go nowhere.
For most guys, this takes form in their life when they are afraid to approach a pretty woman for fear of getting rejected. Or when they keep delaying the start of a business or side hustle for fear of making a costly mistake. Or worse, when they delay getting started with savings and investing for their eventual financial freedom because they can’t find the sure-fire, magic bullet investment.
Risk aversion causes them to play it safe. To play not to lose. But the only way you can win in life is to play to win.
But hidden deep within the core of perfectionism is not the desire to be the best, contrary to initial thought. Rather something less admirable. At it’s core, the perfectionist is afraid that the world will see them for who they really are and that they will fail to measure up.
So they do all they can to avoid failure, expending their Mortal Kombat life-bar along the way, by never getting into the arena to begin with. They may have heard “By failing to prepare, you prepare to fail,” so they never stop preparing for the thing and never start the thing so they cannot fail at the thing. The preparation has become their fortress and eternal comfort zone.
Being rejected by a woman is a horrid experience, no doubt. So why not keep building yourself into becoming such an amazing guy that she just can’t reject you? They think. And the more time you spend on becoming an amazing guy, the more amazing you’ll be, right?
You will never become amazing with women unless you actually put in the time with women. To become great with them, you must get as much exposure and interaction with them as you possibly can. And you do this by approaching them randomly right when you decide that you like them. You’ll never regret an approach, only not doing one.
Strangely, despite how beneficial it is, most guys opt for the paths of least rejection or least rejection-potential and doing so is to their detriment. Because the fear of rejection causes you to settle. The actions you take to avoid getting rejected will lead to greater, long-term problems.
These are things like getting into a long-distance relationship, trying to sneak in and out of the friendzone, and seeking women through online dating.
A long-distance relationship wastes your life idealizing what your relationship could be instead of enjoying it for what it is. But many guys opt to stay in them because it’s better than looking for a new relationship where the hunt could lead to rejection.
When they slide into a woman’s friendzone, hoping to one day get out of it, they think they can replicate the fictitious progression of Leonard from The Big Bang Theory who eventually went from being Penny’s friend to her lover. It’s easier to ask to be her friend than her lover. Who on earth would reject a new friend? Especially a new friend willing to shower them with free attention and validation? But presenting yourself as a wish-to-be lover carries the potential of being rejected. They think that rejection potential declines when they have the time to show her as her friend what a great guy they are.
Through social media DMs and online dating apps, they also raise shields against rejection. A “no thank you” is easier to read than it is to hear when asking for a date. There’s also less awkward tension and wondering what to do next without looking pathetic after being rejected than it is when it occurs face to face.
Trying to avoid rejection will have you settling for less attractive women. Older women. Fatter women. Single mothers. Or even just your hand and the internet. All of these will lead to greater long-term problems.
But getting rejected will lead to greater knowledge through lessons learned and a better understanding of present-day women. Rejections are normal. Don’t give a shit about them. Volume is what matters. If you’re not successful with women, it’s because you haven’t worked enough volume nor approached enough of them.
Guys are also held back in their business endeavors for fear of failing. I know I was once subject to this fear as well in all my endeavors to make money outside of a day job. Before I decided to be a writer, I was a dating coach. But before I could make that work, I was so terrified of posting my ad on Craig’s List for my services.
What if a client has questions for me that I don’t know the answers to?
What if I get someone who I really can’t help? Someone who doesn’t really want help?
What if I get frustrated with them and can’t continue?
What if there aren’t enough guys out there in my area that actually need help?
What if this whole idea flops?
The only way any of these questions were ever going to get answered was to actually put up my ad. While I may have been in over my head and didn’t know anything about what I was doing, the best course of action is to just jump in head first, cause you’ll learn what to do fast.
In the absence of clarity, do.
I have adopted a new rule in the way that I run my business, especially when it comes to my writing and my documentary-style videos I produce for the YouTube channel. You could call it the 80% rule. It means:
80% complete = ready
Once I’ve completed 80% of a project, it’s time to go public with it. It’s time to realease the product, upload the video, etc. This prevents me from getting bogged down with perfectionist procrastination.
In some of the early published manuscripts of my books, there were typos. I have no problem admitting it now. Back then, I freaked out about them and corrected them in a panic. But even to this day, I still publish things with typos. The first few weeks that I do anything new, barely anyone notices. This saves me time and gives me the potential to make some money from it while I work on other things.
The last place where guys get too self-conscious about being wrong or not perfect is when it comes to investments. They stay out of the stock market for too long, worrying that they’re getting in at the wrong time or the worst time. Despite the fact that history has shown that the earlier you get in, the better you will do.
This one isn’t entirely their fault as there is far too much noise and misinformation out there about each stock as well as the overall market. But I’m convinced that if they started by just buying any stock mutual fund when they turn 18, by the time they finish their financial education a few years later, they will be the happiest they’ve ever been.
I didn’t start investing for my financial freedom until late in my 20s. At first, it was because I didn’t think I was making enough money to save for my future (which was not true, even a dollar a day will go a long way). For 3 whole years, I really fucked myself by keeping my money in a savings account. Then when I turned 27, I opened my first brokerage account and got invested. But even then, I spent 3 days reading the mutual fund prospectus before pulling the lever to buy it.
Don’t be like me. This stupidity of mine and caring too much about being right cost me three years of market growth and who knows how much in lost potential compounded growth. Just get in and then figure out the details of where best to be once in.
When you feel you are burning up too much of that life-bar by focusing on getting everything right, pause for a minute and do the following reality check. Whether you’re feeling too intimidated to talk to the pretty girl, too timid to tell people about your business launch or afraid to commit a dollar to an investment, ask yourself:
Are my fears factual or are they just worst-case nightmare scenarios coming from my mind’s natural pessimism?
Am I jumping to negative conclusions just because they’re easy to imagine?
Is it really as horrible as I’m making it out to be?
What’s the absolutely worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?
Will this matter 5 years from now?
Asking these questions while you hesitate to do something you’re afraid to do will make that fear less powerful.
When you play to win, you are increasing your chances of losing. But after losing, you increase your chances of winning. A winner is just a loser that tried one more time.
That is worrying about how many guys your (or any) woman has slept with.
Before I was a writer, I was a dating coach. In the initial session with one of my clients, we’ll call him Steve, he described to me the type of woman he was really after. He wanted the stereotypical “good girl” that was wholesome and could be found behind the doors of the church. As he read about the woman described in Proverbs 31, he’d get as excited as a teenage girl reading a steamy, romance novel.
“You know a woman like that will be less likely to address your sexual needs early on, right?” I said.
“I’m completely okay with that,” Steve replied. “I actually get a little more turned on when she makes me wait.”
“You’ve been made to wait before?”
“No, I voluntarily did.”
“It’s important to me that she’s not one to give it up so easily. Plus, I get a lot of mixed signals from them all the time. I never know if it’s okay to make a move or not.”
“I hate to break it to you, but the mixed signals are a clear message. A woman that’s into you will never confuse you. If she makes you wait for sex, it’s because she’s not excited about having sex with you. You’re not her first or maybe even second choice. And the reason why is because you’re willing to wait for sex.”
“But I really want a good girl. One that doesn’t give it up so easily.”
“Why’s that important to you? How does her sexual readiness affect your ability to enjoy sex with her?”
“I don’t know. It just does.”
Steve wasn’t alone in his flawed thinking. Despite being deep in his blue pilled conditioning, even the guys with greater awareness had the same mindset he did. Another client, we’ll call him Zack, was what I’d call a “purple pilled” guy, which means he was red pill aware but still clung to some blue pill ideals. Before we got to this part of our coaching, Zack had just been rehabbed and weaned off a porn addiction.
“I don’t understand how you get your head around that,” he said to me. “How can you give up on a woman if she hasn’t slept with you by the 3 rd date?”
“It’s simple,” I said. “If she makes you wait for sex, she’s only going to give you the kind of dispassionate sex that wasn’t worth waiting for.”
“But you don’t want every woman you’re interested in to be that easy. I mean what if you get serious with her later? You don’t want your girlfriend to be a slut, do you?”
“No offense, but weren’t sluts what you used to like to look at with your past addiction? Why were they okay to jack off to but not okay now to have real sex with?”
“That’s different. I was just using them for enjoyment. But when I’m married, I want more than that. Not some gutter trash that other people will be talking about.”
And there we have it. The real reason why guys don’t want a woman that’s slept around a lot isn’t because there’s anything wrong with her. It’s because of what other people will say about her and, by association, him. This is a pointless outpour you need to not give a shit about.
The simps of today are more than happy to hand over their money to OnlyFans e-thots. But when asked, they say they wouldn’t want to date them. They’re fine paying for their content to jack off to, but don’t want real sex or anything deeper with them? Why?
A social imperative has been forced down your throat by the Fempowerment Mandate that you are not to like the woman that puts out so easily. The Fempowerment Mandate is the cultural force that seeks to maintain a female primary social pecking order at the expense of males. The leaders of this force realize that a woman’s sexuality represents her greatest source of power over males, thus they do not want her giving it out so freely.
Through cultural conditioning, they have gotten you to believe that the woman who sleeps around is repulsive. When really, quite the opposite is true. There’s nothing gross or undesirable about a woman who’s been with 100 guys. In fact, she’s as great in bed as the porn stars are in their movies. After 100 guys, this woman has learned very well to know what the hell she’s doing. She knows how to please a man and there’s a long line of them able to attest to that.
Compare that to the virgin that’s never even seen sex before and doesn’t know that blowjobs and teeth don’t mix.
When I think about my first sexual experiences, I was terrible. It takes a few experiences to get good at sex and it takes a few different partners to get there. She’s no different. The ones that will please you the most are the ones that enjoy pleasing. Those that judge a woman for having many sex partners are conveniently forgetting that the men she’s sleeping with probably have the same or higher lay count. All it is evidencing is that people like sex.
Don’t we want to live in a world where women like sex?
Because the feminists demand women to never do anything for the express pleasure of a man, they used their Fempowerment Mandate to fire off two weapons: shame all hypersexual women (especially porn stars and strippers) and shame the men that have sex with them. To be judgmental of a woman’s sexual past or to slut-shame is to be a stooge for the radical feminists that hate you just for being male.
Ironically though, the group that does the most slut-shaming is not the males but rather rich, old women.
I take a lot of heat from my colleagues in the red pill consortium for taking this stance. They say and even cite studies that confirm a woman who’s had a lot of sex partners has a harder time pair-bonding with her man she has a serious relationship with or is married to. Yet a few minutes later, my colleagues start preaching about how marriage is a bad deal that men need to avoid.
This is a great contradiction in our body of knowledge. First, they tell us we need to date non-exclusively and even date many women at once (often referred to as “spinning plates”). Increase your options to increase your confidence. But then we need to find a virgin to marry or get serious with? How can there be any virgins left if all guys did what they were encouraged to do by us and played the field?
Being red pill aware means you don’t want to get married and supplicate to a woman because there are easier ways to get the sex you need. It would be like buying an airline just to get the peanuts they pass out. So, if you’ve taken the red pill, you’re probably spinning plates and your life is so much better now that you do that. Why would you ever trade that for monogamy again?
Especially when it was most likely a problem arising from monogamy that provoked you to find the red pill and take it.
“But isn’t a woman who’s slept around more likely to have an STD?” a client might ask me. Good thinking. Finally, a legitimate concern about this matter. But you have plenty of things to help you out with this one. For one, she can get tested. Two, you should always be wearing a condom no matter what. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, you should be wearing a condom. You think STDs are bad? Try an unplanned pregnancy.
It is the behavior of a simp to want women to be sexually available but only to him. If you found such a wholesome, conservative woman that was still a virgin, you’d have no complaints about her putting out for you on the first date, so long as it was the first time she ever did put out. To want that sexual monopoly on someone else’s life is about as self-important as one can get.
Too much energy is wasted on this preference. Much opportunity is missed because of it. And so much happiness that this short life allows is prevented as a result. Don’t give a shit about this. Let the condom do what it’s designed to do.
The last 7 things to not give a shit about were so common among guys that they deserved their own chapters. But these next 7 miscellaneous things are equally un-shit-worthy. They’re just less likely to consume your entire life as much as the previous.
Who’s at fault
Ever notice how politicians often make a big deal out of finding out who’s responsible for a problem, but do very little to solve that problem? That’s their game. They’re not actually in office to solve problems. However, when they are on the hunt for the culprit, they put on the illusory appearance of doing something.
That’s one of many reasons why no one likes them. Even when you’ve found the person most at fault, there is nothing to be gained from it.
A better way of being is to assume that everything in your life, good and bad, is your fault.
No, that doesn’t mean if you get hit by a drunk driver and paralyzed from the neck down, you brought it on yourself. It means you take responsibility for the circumstances of your life. The energy you spend finding someone else to blame for things and playing the victim is better saved and used to find the solution when you’ve assumed fault for the problem.
Particularly when it comes to women and the drama they may cause. If you ever catch yourself enduring drama with a woman, that is 100% your fault. She will treat you only how you let her treat you. If you withdraw your attention from her, pull a “soft next” instead of react any other way, you’ll start to see a lot less drama from women in your life. They begin to behave more pleasantly.
Some guys I’ve met were so passionate about their favorite sports team that they refused to be your friend if you didn’t share that passion. I used to fuck with these guys a lot when I asked them how the game went and they’d say, “We won.” Then I’d ask, “And what position did you play?”
If you find yourself saying things like that or feeling this level of affinity, you need to step back and really question what’s going on in your life. Much of why sports became so big and inspired so much passion in people is because other institutions we felt a sense of belonging to like family, churches and communities have broken down. So many guys turned to sports as a replacement.
Other guys turned to it as an escape. When you find yourself doing this, the better thing to do is question why you feel you need an escape from your life.
None of this is to sound elitist. I had this problem with NASCAR and my favorite driver, Brad Keselowski. But it became incredibly clear to me one day watching a race that Keselowski’s father attended. They showed a short documentary during the pre-race coverage that had shown how much of an investment that his father had made into Keselowski’s racing career. A deeper emotional investment than I could ever has, since his father had been there since he was a little guy in go kart races.
Later in that race, Keselowski crashed out. While I was angry about it, the TV cameras had shown his father being very calm about it. Then it hit me: this guy who has far more reason to be pissed off is doing a better job of accepting the reality of the day despite his deep emotional investment. What reason have I to justify my unhappiness right now?
Those people that care way too much about politics are really lying to themselves when they say they just want what’s best for the country. What they really want is for their desires and opinions to be seen as what’s best for the country. Just look at the various hypocrisies that exist in the different political orientations.
One I know very well, because I legitimately care about the environment, is the left-wingers that drive hybrids because they believe every chapter and verse of global warming gospel. But here they are driving cars that are worse for the environment than gas-powered cars. The deal isn’t that they’re ignorant of this fact, they just don’t really care about the environment. They care only about being right.
So much of their energy and effort has been invested in their side of the argument. To admit they were wrong now would deeply discredit them.
The right-wing does this too. Back in the days when George W. Bush was president, the right-wingers argued hard for continuing the Iraq war. In truth, not a single one of them really gave a shit about the Iraqi people nor their freedom. They just didn’t want to admit that their original stance on the war was wrong.
It takes a big man to admit he was wrong. But the great thing about doing it is that the sooner you admit you’re wrong, the more credible you become.
Being first to see something
Did you know that the latest Star Wars movie that super fanboy Freddy camped outside the theater for two weeks in advance to see will end the exact same way for the person that waits two weeks after its release to see it?
Some people even pull all-nighters to go to the midnight release of a new blockbuster. I never understood that. Not only is the time inconvenient, but the theater will be crowded. The more people in the theater, the greater the likelihood that one of those people is one that doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up while the movie is playing.
What’s really going on here is not so much a rush to see something. But rather the fear of missing out. And a fear of being left out, looking like the one uncool kid that didn’t see the latest thing everyone is talking about. This is high school horse shit. And it’s not worth a shit.
Much like trying to avoid failure, trying to hide them will waste so much effort and not provide the returns you hope.
A recent trend has a occurred in movies lately, by influence of the Fempowerment Mandate, the Mary Sue character trope has been on the rise. These are characters like Rey from Star Wars , Captain Marvel, and Delores and Maeve from Westworld . Notice how much hate these characters have been receiving lately? That’s because no one can relate to them.
The writers of such characters work overtime to make them unbelievably flawless. Without flaws, there is no reason for the audience to get invested in the character or hope they overcome something when they have nothing to overcome.
Similarly, your failures will humanize you to others. They will make you seem like someone they can relate to. Trying to hide them only makes you look insecure.
What an ex is currently doing
The “ex” in ex-girlfriend actually stands for something: expunged. Or at least that’s the case for my clients that come to me for help after a bad breakup. They are to expunge all memories and emotions attached to her out of their minds and pretend she never existed.
After all, she does something very similar to you. Have you ever wondered why women rarely want to get back together with a guy they dump? How they so easily get over a past lover? How they proceed like he never meant a thing to them?
This is the “War Brides” syndrome written about extensively in Benefit From Your Breakup . It is biologically hardwired into them to immediately forget about you after breaking up, no matter how special you were to them or how good you made them feel. Once the page in their memory is turned, it may as well be burned.
You must do the same. Do not let her have more prominence in your thoughts when she gives none to you in hers. You may know of the law that the person who is least interested in the relationship is the one that has all the power. There’s a sister law to that. The person who is least reminiscent of an ended relationship moves on to a much better replacement than the other.
Pleasing your family
A great, needless, stumbling block that exists in the lives of so many guys is caring about what their parents will think of their life decisions.
One friend of mine who retired at age 36 illustrated this for me in the most explicit manner. He became a male webcam model. There was high demand for male webcammers at the time. Most guys didn’t want to do it because it was mostly gay men you were performing for and also they were afraid of what other people would think if they were found out. But after 5 years of doing this, he never had to work again.
If it’s that easy, to retire young and rich and enjoy the journey along the way, why don’t most guys do it? Fuck, if you even get to jerk off along the way, isn’t that even better?
Because most guys are far too worried about what their parents and others will think if they find out. My friend didn’t give a shit. His parents and others in his social circle found out. They laid a lot of judgment on him. But he laughed all the way to the bank.
Sure, your parents may want you to succeed. But only in the way that they succeeded and on their terms, not yours. Remember, these are the same people that told you college would be a great investment for your future that would pay dividends. They don’t live in the 21 st century where student loan slavery is ruining the lives of young people.
The old days of getting a degree, securing a safe job, buying a house outright, getting married, having kids and a white picket fence is all outdated advice that will make you miserable today, as outlined in Reinvent Ideal .
Following their advice would be like following the code of Hammurabi in the present day.
In my Jewish upbringing, it was stressed to “Honor your father and mother.” They pressed it upon us in religious school that this meant to do exactly everything they say without question, even when you’re an adult. Being the little smart ass that I was, I raised my hand and asked the teacher, “What if your father is Hitler?” which got me sent to the principal’s office.
But if you really want to honor your father and mother, if you really want to please and help out your parents, you do that the same way you do for your fellow man. The best way to serve your fellow man is to get your own shit together first, so that you are not a burden on your fellow man. Similarly, do what you know will work for you, even if it goes against the advice of your parents. That way, you won’t be rebounding back to them and become a burden.
Doing what makes you successful is honoring them enough. You don’t have to become successful their way.
Particularly in my life, when it came to my red pill awareness, my mother was often bitching up my ass about not getting married. She would constantly tell me horse-shit like, “If you don’t get married, everyone will think you’re gay.” And smartass me responded to that by saying, “Gay originally meant happy, so that sounds about right.”
The point is, after a certain amount of this, you are well within your rights to very calmly, very politely tell your mother to fuck off.
One of my clients had a similar experience, when his mother kept ragging on him about how he treated women after working with me. Before, he used to be the typical blue-pilled simp, incredible sweet but unsuccessful. Now, he was dating non-exclusively and spinning plates. His mother didn’t like this and asked why he thought so little of women. His response:
“Well, I figured out that women treat you better when you treat them less like the way my father treated you and more like the alcoholic asshole you left him for.”
“A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.” — Herbert Simon
The shits you give represent the amount of suffering you are willing to endure for something else other than you. As explored earlier in the intro, there is an equal amount of pain required to be put in for each moment of pleasure we get to experience. What pain are you willing to endure? Is the pleasure that follows with it satisfying enough and worth the effort?
For many things, the answer is no. So we must budget our shits as carefully as we budget our finances.
A young man once asked Warren Buffet how to become successful like him. To which Mr. Buffet responded by telling the young man to go home and come up with a list of the 20 things that are most important to him. Things he wants to accomplish in life. Things that either make him money or make him happy.
That, by itself, is a great standard: if it doesn’t make you money or doesn’t make you happy, don’t waste a second on it. That would put an end to all the needless comment wars on social media for sure.
The young man returned to Mr. Buffet the next day with his list of 20 things. Buffet then asked him to circle the 3 things on this list that were most important. The young man did and then asked, “So does that mean I should try to do these things first?”
Warren Buffet replied by saying, “No, this isn’t to highlight the things that you did circle. It’s to point out something about the things you didn’t. Everything that you didn’t circle, you need to avoid like the plague. Because that is what will get in the way, extracting energy and resources from you that you could have otherwise used to accomplish what matters most to you.”
The lesson here is that success is defined by what you say “No” to.
Quite often, we all do say “Yes” to pretty much the same things. We all agree that we should be striving for financial freedom, the ability to have so much money stored up in savings and investments that you no longer need to work. We should be working towards better health and fitness. We should be constantly increasing our intelligence and ability to be of service to others. And we also want a little energy left over to put into picking up the hot girl at the club.
But these other things that demand your time, energy, attention and money can get in the way of that. These are the things that you must say “No” to. Things like manufactured outrage, finding the perfect partner, sexual jealousy, politics and materialism.
And it is hard to say “No” to these things and people.
That is where these tools come in:
Marcus Aurelius teaches us in Meditations to constantly ask ourselves, “Is this necessary?” In every action we find ourselves doing, even routinely, questioning the necessity of it could reduce so much energy output. That one friend you keep getting a beer with despite the fact that they do nothing to propel you further in life. Are they necessary? The girlfriend that gives you so much drama and little to compensate for it. Are they necessary? That addictive show that has you binge-watching all its past seasons. Is that necessary?
Do this not just for each person and item in your life, but also every thought. Knowing what not to think about, what to ignore and not to burn a moment of time on is your most important task as a man. To effectively manage and use the limited resources you have, like time and money.
You will find yourself thinking more clearly by determining what things are essential and what things are not. Having the ability and propensity to have deep thoughts and in-depth analysis is not good enough. You must also have the time and space to host it.
I suffer from this problem extensively. I like to call it completion anxiety. It’s that burning sensation that makes my thoughts and heart race because I haven’t completed a project but am finding 20 other ones I want to start. Then the rest of the day’s bullshit stacks on top of it and makes my list of tasks feel even more insurmountable. I feel like I don’t even have a moment to spare to sort all this out.
What I must realize is that the important matters will still carry their importance by the time I get to them, and the pointless shit will have disappeared as it’s pointlessness has been made obvious after I’ve sorted it all out. Being still for a moment to sort out the essential will have you perform more optimally than getting burned up by needless urgency.
The Eisenhower Box
President Eisenhower had a method for handling concerns brought to his desk that basically measured how much of a shit he really needed to give about them. He created a matrix that arranged his priorities by how urgent and important they were.
He found that a lot of the drama in the world was urgent but not very important. Further, he found that the important things weren’t so pressing and needing to be done right away as they often present themselves to be. By categorizing the problems presented, or things begging you to give a shit about, you organize your life and find it to be far less stressful. This is a far more strategic way to live.
The only thing I’d add to this is to start with the question, “Does this affect me in any way?” before running it through this matrix.
Instead of complicating your life and later justifying why you do it, this will allow you to simplify your life and justify to yourself why you can make the simplifications. Knowing what you can easily say “No” to allows you the freedom to say “Yes” to the things that really do matter.
No One Really Cares
After organizing your priorities, thoughts, and activities, in many cases you will find that you care about something far more than anyone else does. The best example is caring about what other people think of you. The only person that really dwells on that matter is you.
According the National Science Foundation, people have more than 50,000 thoughts a day. Even if you do something to embarrass yourself in front of another person, you take up only 0.02% of their thought traffic that day.
It’s often read as a discouraging, depressing thought, but I find it quite encouraging that people often have their heads stuck so far up their own asses to even notice there are other people around. That means you can make mistakes, and no one will make a Federal case out of it. The majority of their thoughts are only about themselves.
The only time they’d even burn time dwelling on you is if you do something that directly impacts them.
Say something dumb, get rejected by a woman in public, or be seen taking plates off the barbell at the gym, and it will only register as a speck of dirt swirling around in a hurricane in someone else’s mind. There’s no need to worry about how anyone else will judge you because they’re all too self-conscious about their own missteps to analyze yours.
Appear stupid in front of others, and the most that can happen is you’ll fit right in.
Did something happen? No.
Did something happen? Yes.
Can you do anything about it? No.
Did something happen? Yes.
Can you do anything about it? Yes.
Every day, you will be assaulted by things demanding you give a shit about them. Like bullets flying across a battlefield. None of them have your name on it. They only say, “To whom it may concern.” Choose not to be someone whom it may concern. It’s your choice.
The Tao teaches to not resist the course of nature. Instead go along with it. Because it isn’t out to hurt you. Many people will live their lives under the premise that the universe has it out for them. That the bullets legitimately have their names written on them. But this is not the case with anything in nature.
When you see the billions of birds in the air, ever notice how they are not farming and storing food away? Despite the fact that they have to go through seasons where food is less plentiful, they don’t seem to care. They just let nature take its course.
This doesn’t mean do not save or plan for the future. It means do not worry for it. Money is important, yes. But what’s more important is your work, because the work you do, the problems you solve for others, determines how much money you get to have. Life is more important than food.
If there is a male privilege, it’s that our nature allows us to not burn calories giving a shit about what we wear. That’s a characteristic of anxious and snooty girls that never grew up past high school: to judge someone for wearing the same outfit twice in a week. Only other females would point that out to a woman who did that. But few guys concern themselves with this. Because a body is more important than the clothes that cover it.
Give greater attention to how you exercise and feed your body than how you dress it. Your health and fitness will matter much more in the long run of your life than how some judgmental person perceives your social status by what you wear.
Seek first to fulfill your purpose and mission as a man, to be a great problem-solver on this earth, the big things, then you’ll realize all these little things will fall into place all on their own. Don’t give a shit about tomorrow. For tomorrow will give a shit about itself. Each day has enough shit of its own.
The less you give a shit about things that don’t matter, the more energy you’ll have for the things that do. The more things you say “No” to, the more perfectly you can do the things you say “Yes” to. That is how you succeed.
Don’t give a shit.